I'm not really that drunk, but I think vampires should glow in the dark because otherwise it's just unfair
Found more tequila
So I accidentally txted this girl with the same name as the one im seeing, as it turns out shes still dtf
I just used my med student white coat as ID to buy beer at 9 in the morning
either i blacked out mid-sex but remember the beginning and end, or he really only lasted a couple of minutes
ok, my life is complete.... the cops AND the paramedic just made a Mean Girls reference...
My vagina is not really on board with my "emotional issues"
I JUST WANT TO HAVE MILDLY SOCIALLY ACCEPTABLE SEX WITH HIM AND CALL HIM CUPCAKE.
I got laughed at by a homeless guy in a Daniel Boone hat. I have no clue what this means for my day
Can I bring some rope too? It's not too early for bondage talk, is it?
In another note. Thanks for making me get a vibrator. For real.
You randomly sent me a black Santa Claus emoji at 2am. I think alcohol was involved.
He screamed like a woman when he came then proceeded to sing "you [we] are the champion" by Queen. I think I'm in love.
Omg in one week, two guys with their own names tattooed on their bodies had their tongues in my mouth. Self loathing shall commence now.
I might need to come puke in your toliet on the way home
But really, what kind of hoe life adventure in Mexico would you do that would top me blowing a trucker?
Randomize
