I sometimes wonder how many of the girls I know have done anal...and why none of them have ever dated me.
i just heard Winston Churchill in auto-tune. thank you nerds.
please visit steve this weekend, he is getting mature and responsible and shit which scares me.
Hurricane Sex Time is the only thing iv said since it started.
KNEE DEEP IN HOES. SEND HELP.
Every single person in NY is either baking, drinking, or photographing their cat. Reporting live from Instagram.
one renamed every person in my phone 'I lpvw tewqils', so it would really help me out if you could text me your name. Happy sunday!
She complimented my boobs and then told me I smelled like teddy bears before falling asleep on the floor.
I dont' remember leaving St. Cloud, getting home, or apparently directing traffic in the middle of the fucking street while black out drunk.
I threw up this morning to Silent Night playing in background. It was actually quite soothing.
Get his dick out of your ass and put on some pants we're here
I don't think anything is more terrifying than the thought that you might shit your pants in front of your boss
I really appreciate you taking the time to blur out my excessive boob cleavage for instagram
After passing out at the kitchen table, you woke up in my parents bed in between them. With no pants on.
Her cat was breathing in my ear all night, like that kid from Hey Arnold.
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