I feel like I'm in dance class right now
He fucked a visibly pregnant girl. It doesn't get weirder than that.
Sorry for making you give strangers a ride for hits of acid.
Apparently I whispered "Jesus was here" and bailed out of the moving taxi.
shes the kind of girl that would cock block endangered pandas
Thanks, college. Tonight's decisions brought to you by margs in a nalgene.
Not sure if it's my shorts, hat, shoes, hair or soul but one of the above just got me drunk again from the glorious aroma of Keystone Light.
Yepp, I had to be the one to explain that the girl who was slapping people in the face with a dildo was my drunk girlfriend.
Oh god. I asked to "play his sexaphone" which I though was a super sex way to say "let me blow you". He fucking walked home at 4:30am
The judge mental looks i am getting while looking at porn on my phone sitting in the urgent care waiting room is gonna get way worse when they find out im here to see if im pregnant
I mean it's like...I'm sorry I slept with your boyfriend but is it my fault that he failed to mention you when I was giving him head in the Dave and Busters bathroom?
There is so much wrong with that sentence
Yeah there really shouldn't be a bar at D&B's...shit gets real
future reference: when you get a text that says "WARNING: EXPLICIT PHOTOS BEING DELIVERED. VIEWERS DISCRETION IS ADVISED." you always open the attached picture.
All I know is I was bleeding, she was bleeding, we stole someone's Lucky Charms, and then I made you guys order a pizza
What am I doing? I'm usually only attracted to horrible people.
My life is far to together for someone who's such a hot mess inside
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