Someone should tell Glenda that I only hang with her because she makes me look prettier.
Eating a girl out that was just in the ocean does not make her taste like saltwater taffy
Packed at 6 am completely wasted. Damage assessment: 12 pairs of socks (no underwear), a flashlight, 3 shorts, shot glass, 8 sweaters, puff paint, one sneaker.
My mom's crying. That means it must be Christmas.
You're having sex and i just smoked and made oatmeal...i'll give you some time to be jealous
If you dedicate your next bite to me, I'll dedicate my first orgasm to you.
They normally just get fucked up and see who can hold their hand on the exhaust the longest. It's great
We talked about all of the sex positions that would better allow him to feed me grapes. I think I'm in love.
Just put a sign on a baby carriage that says "all daddy wanted was a blowjob" might get fired.
We have a tower of vodka coming. OF VODKA
Being thankful with your family is one thing. Being thankful with your friends while getting drunk and smoking bowls while eating leftovers, priceless.
whose ass print is on the piano?
It's pizza for people who hate themselves. I rang the place up once i'd finished and told them if i was on death row it would be my last meal because by the time i'd got half way through it I would be begging to die.
But then I ordered two more because it was 2-4-1 and my life is a mess
he just sent me a dick pic, it highly resembled a cheese stick
My 1st STD. I feel like there should be a cake for this.
We dont have cups... so were doing shots out of bowls like puppies
Randomize
