Dude WTF? His teammate just started talkin to me on fb! Am I walking around with a "I like to f**k gators" on my forehead?
No, it just says ur easy
just tell him i said nine months
Why is there an empty beer bottle in the shower?
Why wouldn't there be.
i've decided that sluts are like cars. they may look good as hell on the outside, but you never know what kind of shit is hiding under the hood.
There are GROWN MEN with fake HP wands flinging curses at me in Walmart.
That's funny. Are they weird looking???
OF COURSE THEY ARE WEIRD LOOKING, THEY ARE STALKING ME IN WALMART. WITH. FAKE. WANDS.
He kept yelling "osteoporosis" and threw milk at her because she broke her arm.
Doing lines of cocaine in the bathroom and the word 'better' do not belong in the same sentence.
I just threw up trying to put pants on. This is obviously a sign to stay naked.
my post shower fart this morning sounded like hulk ripping through a phonebook
Bitch, I been tryna reach you all day to talk to you about these Dorito tacos.
I just realized the only way to play Edward forty-hands is commando in a skirt. This intelligence kick is really doing me justice.
Its not that it wasnt fun. Its just I got a tooth knocked out and that was my second time being arrested this year
I can still taste the Jäger. I'm gonna shoot myself.
As planned I took it to the limit. Then we met a new limit. Now they are limit friends.
I bonged champagne. And did keg stands. What in the actual fuck am I doing with my life?
Randomize
