and the officer said have you been drinking
and i said NOO SIR.
and he said, I am a woman.
Confirm your location. A cross street is best, but if google mapping yourself is your least-shameful option go for it. ps- going through his mail for an actual address is always an option.
I decided it would be a good time to smoke on one of my deliveries but then I got the munchies and ate a piece of the pizza I was freaking out so I told him it was our new pacman pizza
He saw my tits then looked up and yelled thank you jesus as loud as he could
i perioded on his leg
on. his. leg.
i go for whatevers easier....i'm bisexual strictly due to the convenience factor
I could hear them screwing through my bedroom wall again this morning, so I started beat boxing to the tempo.
She was shaking her boobs and I was so high all I could think was "breast maracas"
On that note if you see a hobo smiling with a pack of cigarettes and an AMP energy drink, that was my good deed for the day
You turned to me, winked, whispered "man the harpoons" and walked out with the fat chick
This is going to be the time I got green body paint on Chris' ceiling all over again...
I dreampt that we were shooting zombies while we having sex. Is that normal?
I just got caught impersonating a t-Rex by my boss. Sadly he wasn't fazed by my behavior and acted like it was normal.
The one time my sister did shrooms she thought she was thumbalina. I can't live my life that way
Your Saturday night was spent at the opera, mine was spent exchanging naked pics with a hot middle aged man that is so ripped that he looks like he's photoshopped. This is why we're blood sisters. We balance each other out.
I hate you so hard.
Randomize
