We sat in your minivan all night in a parking lot pretending we were in the magic school bus going to the sun
well he has a gf so if he picks me up tonight i'll only him finger me
Woke up under the lifeguard stand sleeping next to mitch our homeless friend. I bartered a summer wardrobe for his last 5 dollar to buy a bfast sandwich. Bring clothes
His fuck buddy just got fake tits and wants him to 'come break them in.' I need his life.
seeing two freshman taking a cab home at noon on a Monday makes me realize how much worse my life choices could have been
official rule: if your drunk, it doesn't count
then nothing in my life counts
At least I'm fat on the outside. You can NEVER change being fat on the inside.
Mom called her a cunt. I think that's code for "don't bring her over ever again."
DOMA is dead. I'm definitely going to be the last of our friends to get married now.
In 2014 only three boys have seen my boobs so far
I would ride that face into the sunset
He wore a t-shirt that had an arrow pointing to his crotch and "DO IT FOR THE VINE" on it.
At least he's honest about how long he'll last.
I just choked eating whip cream from the can, and peed a little because I was coughing so hard. How am I still single.
I don't know which is weirder: that she was old enough to have a live-in son close to my age, or that the woman he was with was close to hers
Ever try to swallow something and have it go up into your nose instead? Yeah, I just sneezed bacon.
Randomize
