the best part was when he threw his debit card on the table, looked at everyone and said "turn this into pizza!" It felt like a scene in a 'coming of age' teen comedy.
i woke up surrounded by junior mints. not to mention, there was a huge pyramid of natty cans baracading the door shut. this is why i can't drink alone.
Chances are I'll be there for your wedding. Camelbaks filled with jack and coke are appropriate attire, right?
You were dancing with a coffee pot of rum in one hand and a joint in the other. So that should explain everything.
Someone had written "Boxmonsterette" on the bathroom wall and I just knew you'd been here.
I tried to find the bar, ended up at a car dealership. Then the alarms went off.
Dick sucking on arrival? or would you like to cash that in later?
I gave you the craziest sex experiences of your life, the least you could do is let me keep the sweater.
Hahaha idk what's worse your life or my hangover.
I still have the video of you three making soup in my kitchen and asking random people for permission DURING the party, not after like usually
Don't remember, didn't happen
I HAVE THE VIDEO YOU DICK IT HAPPENED
OK BUT WHO THE FUCK FORGTS A LIVE CHICKEN IN MY HOUSE
Would you be so kind as to inform your husband that my truck is forever cursed by mashed potatoes and it's his fault.
I said "one day" and that day is not today
I mean, she's batshit insane and once choked a guy with one hand but she's still MILF material in my book.
so... i have a picture of you and three other girls making kissy faces at this giant stuffed banana you're holding. however, you seem to be violently screaming at it.
Those bitches did NOT have my back.
Randomize