Best text conversation ever. Other than the one we had about using blood for lube.
U know u have sex too much when u have lube in ur rolliball on ur blackberry
she must of just birthed a child cause her labia touched the floor
Well his aunt was in the next room so we had to be quiet. I felt like i was on an episode of silent library.
Thanks for putting the blue stuff in the toilet, it made me throwing up this morning more enjoyable.
Bad news is I found gravy in my nightstand again.
You'd be so proud. I have the flu/sore throat, so I've tied a scarf around my head and I'm microwaving jagerbombs. Let it never be said I'm not commited.
He looked at my vag and said "you have a nice situation down there. Good work"
I refuse to fuck a guy who needs a coozy for his beer. NOT EVEN IN DESPERATE TIMES LIKE THESE.
he just gave me a love letter in polish. he thinks i speak polish. I DONT SPEAK POLISH
By 11 pm the pants were off and there was no turning back. But on the bright side, you promised me your CDs when you died, you even signed a napkin saying so.
I just shotgunned a beer and my lipstic didnt BUDGE. MERICUHH
You came in, yelled 'i am from the future' then puked all over the floor
no fucks will be given and no pants will be worn
i'll bring the vodka
We should write a country song: “Blacked Out on a Sunday”
Randomize
