She got a tattoo in memory of her cat, my attratcion to her is no more.
First date. He's wearing a tuxedo shirt and keeps asking me about our future children. Escape plan #3 is now in action...
I don't think i can handle my uncle say again that kid rock is a true musician....
He legit pounded my cooking wine, because he was to cheap to buy beer. He is so not getting any.
I keep telling myself last night was not real, not real, not real. Then I remember I can't move. This hangover is too fucking real.
Why can't it ever be the normal ones that stalk me?
Update- I sold my hat to some drunk kid for 50 bucks. I used my earnings to buy beer on the way home. I realize to everyone else seeing me drinking on my balcony at 6am, I look like an alcoholic, but I'm thinking of it as a night cap
Just smokin in the creek with some deer, they like the smoke, I know.
She's dressed as a slutty goth schoolgirl. Those are my three favorite things. God himself could not give me whiskey dick.
I can only only sleep there on nights I orgasm cause he snores so loud and if he leaves me hanging one more time ill probably cut off his dick from lack of sleep and frustration
Literally the only reason we didnt get arrested was because the cop said I reminded him of Steve Stifler from American Pie
I just spent 5 minutes saying how beautiful you are and you come back with dont get fat cause you have weird nipples.
Block me from your phone tonight…I need to get laid tonight. But you've been being a douchebag. So not by you. But I might call you. So block me.
WHY WOULD I COCK BLOCK MYSELF???
He is obviously into the really short sex we have.
Waking up naked and dehydrated has become a regular occupancy for me.
Randomize
