Found a left over fake Olympic medal from our party last weekend. Awarded it to a random girl in the bar last night. Its the only thing she was wearing this morning when she woke up at my place.
ok so hold on... from what i hear... thank you... i'm sorry... and your welcome.
definitely just fell out of bed trying to plug in my phone. when did laziness start getting painful?
Harry Potter. Singing. Sobering up. In that order.
You know whats not fun? Making yourself throw up on a sand dune at 4 in the morning.
you know it's gonna be a good 4/20 when you start saving up for it in january.
How do I go about messaging a girl on a dating site whose little sister I've had a three some with...?
I had no idea he had such passive aggressive animalistic tendencies. This is the human equivalent of peeing on someone.
he's a fucking beast. people that don't even know him have started calling him "puke and raleigh"
When I was sick she came over with Call of Duty, animal crackers and a handjob. Honor says I can't dump her until Easter
I just chased my hot mailman down the street to ask him out and now I am 98% positive he gave me a fake number.
How... how did you get Adam Lambert's shoes? Does he know you have them? DID YOU STEAL ADAM LAMBERT'S SHOES?! Oh my God I am so turned on right now.
New one isn't as good asmy ex. She won't put her tongue up my butt
Peter this is your "ex"
I stand by what i said
I don’t want to brag, but vows, morals and will power are no match for my blow job skills
If I lock her out of the apartment right now would the neighbors have grounds to sue?
Randomize
