Don't come here someone got drunk and rolled the keg to buger king. no more beeer
(917) i just came from walking.
haha you just came from walking?
neither the pictures you took nor my hangover explain why there are skittles in my shoe
just dropped my bong into 7 pieces, and carried the glass shards around my house. dad saw the blood dripping down my arms, and asked if i slit my wrists. way too high to laugh at this.
all of your clothes are in the front law. btw..sprinklers go on in 20 minutes
He spent most of his night trying to convince people that he had changed and was no longer a sleazebag...he had his nut hanging out of his pants about an hour later.
The kids I taught this morning even knew i was drunk. One of them even said, and I quote, "You smell like my dad after he goes bowling."
Next time I say "Watch this" Get me the fuck out of the bar.
Trying to grind with crutches was not a success
Also, your vagina needs a time out and let your brain have a chance to make decisions.
Dude, seduce him with cookies. You almost turned me gay with scones. Don't be surprised when they get you laid.
Moral of the story: I had sex to Back to the Future last night.
Dude, we got to the strip club as they were closing, and you starting crying because, and I quote, "This is the closest to birthday sex I'm gonna get."
i cant believe the cop was fine with you saying no we are in a hurry when he asked to search your car
I'm really stressed out right now.
I think you're confusing "stressed" and "sober".
Randomize
