she cant drink. allergic to alcohol.
ewwww. she might as well have a dick.
He had on juicy sweatpants and thats when i knew he was no longer a threat.
I honestly get shocked all over again every time I pull his pants down. It's one of those feelings you never get tired of.
My grandma had to be escorted out by police.
Did someone do a keg stand in my bathtub?
LSHMSFOAIDMT = laughing so hard my sombrero falls off and I drop my taco.
Please delete that video of me blowing you. I will repay you with 100 blowjobs even better than the one I gave you during that video. Please. I am gonna be a grandma one day.
Dinner at my parents is vodka, lemonade, cheese ad crackers. Why would I leave?
I still can't get the taste of her nipples and the udon noodles out of my mouth
someone stole all your weed so you told us you were planning each of our deaths
In case you're wondering what I'm doing, I'll be banging an 18 year old this weekend. Repeatedly.
I do NOT want my proposal story to start "...he was peeing on me and then..."
I wore a shirt that says "more tequila" to my bday party last year and that's why I want to be my own friend
Woke up to find my underwear in my purse to only remember I took them off at the airport
FINE I guess I'll just drink regular coke like a PLEBIAN.
Randomize
