I have carpet burn on my ass, I'm rethinking my decisions last night.
ok so the lil girl sitting behind u was picking the hairs off ur sisters back and putting them in her mouth
I wanna get FUCKED up and fail the piss test at my eval so they send me to detox and give me suboxone... Is that bad?
But sometimes ur dick treats me better than u do
We gotta make a movie eventually. All good, long-lasting relationships include a homemade porno
and then some norwegians asked us to be in their porno.
Tried to bribe the bartender with wedding cake. Felt bad for not giving her a tip.
When he came downstairs he looked at me like I was attempting to rob his house.
Did you reintroduce yourself?
He threatened to call the cops.
Birthday are for suffering. TAke some tylenol pm and day-drink tomorrow
It wouldn't be New Years Eve if we knew where we would be at midnight
Why are friend nudes not more of a thing? My tits look awesome right now.
You'd think it'd be fun living next door to a guy whose neck you once licked. Surprise, it's not.
Why would you call when you knew I'd be having sex!?
Why would you answer?
she is legit trying to fuck me to death between her and work i haven't slept in 3 days and have at least 16 hours to go before sleep is a possibility. can i crash at your place she doesnt know where you live
I'm reading the Hobbit in my blanket fort alone with a bottle of wine... all I need is dungeons and dragons to complete this superfecta of awesome
Randomize
