just found preset five on the shower head...pretty sure my pussy just had a panic attack
whispering "taste the rainbow" well having sex isn't my biggest turn on.
Call me pathetic, but saying "tits for ireland" is working out really well on chatroulette today.
Totally just met the chick getting nailed in our lobby last night. Should I bring it up?
Oh my Christ. I just came so hard my penis stood back up and took a bow afterwards. I need Thai food.
My addiction to golf is getting out of hand....I just caught myself swinging my dick like a putter while peeing.
Me and two guys that I made Eskimo bros all soberly slept together in my bed
Donald Trump and I would be so adorably orange together!
I'm not sure what is worse, the fact that Hoffman doesn't sell vodka before 9am or that I was trying to buy vodka at 8:30am.
Just found out that his ringtone for me is a train blowing bc and I quote 'I know when you call I'm getting laid'
Where did you go?
I'm not really sure. They have flavored vodka. I like it and I'm never leaving. Ever.
I started a USA chant at the bar last night for no reason, other than being plastered. Within 15 seconds, I was standing on a table and the whole bar was chanting but nobody knew why.
By the way can you translate "sorry, she played you bruh" to Spanish? Some Hispanic guy who spoke absolutely no English callled me last night and when I tried to tell him he had the wrong number the response was "como? No no no no...." And then click. He was gone
I'm a grown ass woman. Treat me like one. Fuckboy
Had sex on the beach last night with a drug dealer. win-win-win situation
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