She is in my trunk
There's a girl here with sideburns. I gave her your number, you can thank me later.
you know it is a bad morning when you forget to brush your teeth and eat old gas x in your car because its minty...
The girl behind me at the dollar store said couldn't wait to get her permit, then requested a pregnancy test. God I love being home.
you went up to their shower, tripped in it, accidentally turned it on and then claimed that you like to "test everyone's showers"
Everything smells like syrup. But I guess that's better than last time when everything smelled like beer.
easter eggs filled with ecstasy. it's what jesus would do.
And the clouds opened up and the sex gods said I hate you alfalfa
The TA leading my study session just said "now get outta here. I need to get drunk before class"
i think he spiked my sandwich with a viagra
Officially conquered sex on my couch with my dad asleep in the next room
I like how you say "conquered" as if that was your sole mission in life
just reached the point where my breast implants paid from themselves in free drinks.
Yeah, so, that moment when the repair guy comes in and you see your cock ring on the counter one second before he does.
Next time you decide to post pictures of yourself in your underwear on facebook, please don't tag me as your bulge.. My mom spent 10 minutes looking for me in that picture. I had to tell her I was hiding.
well i blew him then my wife blew him, so im guessing we'll be seeing him around, yeah
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