I wish there were whore gnomes that cleaned our apartment when we were gone.
Just saw a denim jacket with the phrase christian cowboy...ridin with the lord under a picture of a cowboy in a sunset. I'm def in mississippi.
you have no idea how wierd it is to get nudes while talking to grandma
weed salsa. i deserve a nobel prize
Saw a guy throw up on himself while walking, drinking, and singing all at the same time. Hope your night is going better than his :)
And I think short bridesmaids dresses are the best idea especially for bathroom sex
My drunken abilities have only improved since college....I can navigate the streets of chicago like no ones business, do push-ups to hail a taxi and instantly become an mma fighter after 3 shots of hennessy
You're asking your pregnant booty call to go to a funeral with you?
I need an adult. someone more adult than my current state
have you ever seen all dogs go to heaven this is important
At what part of the night did you guys leave?
After my hot tub cannonball.
I also just stashed a half dozen bobby pins in my bra.... So when you take it off later, consider yourself warned
Happy birthday and sorry I punched your friend in the face
We're currently sharing pics of our cats. I can't wait to sit on her face.
He started talking about getting a puppy together. So of course I went down on him later
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