Can we switch to phone sex? This is starting to get awkward...
im pretty sure that there was a mint leaf in my poop this morning. i love mojito season.
How do you get eyebrow wax out of your butthole region?
The fact that you aren't ashamed to ask that is the reason I will give you the answer. Under the sink there is a bottle of wax remover. Throw my waxing kit away as well.
you also choked him out with your legs on the kitchen floor..
found a cell phone. in the freezer. wrapped in bologna. explain?
Well I tried to call you. I was convinced my body was made of wood. But the Xmas lights in my room helped
He sprained his penis one time
He was "naked wrestling" and fell off the couch and landed on his erect penis
Think I pulled my pelvic muscle.
I think I pulled my ashamed of myself muscle.
he may be homeless but his dick however is not... anymore.
some people spend their whole lives trying to find their soulmate. who knew mine was hiding in utah successfully balancing a pageant career and a coke habit.
I was gonna turn him down, but he correctly identified a song from Pocahontas.
Just had to stop myself from doing a bump on the Disney bus. The struggle is real.
Being home for break is weird, just had a full convo with my dad about what I wanted for dinner, while a dildo was on top of me under my comforter
You left your Xanax bottle in my car. Why is the label all smudged?
I spilled wine on it.
Dude, he came to our house with a beer can in his hand dressed up in a chicken suit screaming, "free eggs!" then threw up and passed out in the front yard.
Randomize
