He wanted to take me out and said we could "go huntin in the woods."
I woke up on my floor...
I woke up with colors of the wind playing on repeat on my laptop...
I just saw a man vacuming his front lawn. What is this world coming to?
i woke up at 5 am and found myself wrapped in christmas lights that were plugged into the wall.
Heated debate on which is worse. Pissing your pants or puking all over yourself
But I always wanted my obit to read "Died violently in casino orgy," not "Never woke up from rectal surgery."
found a cell phone. in the freezer. wrapped in bologna. explain?
Update: we are pushing the start of day drinking back from 9 am to 10 am. Minor delay.
I'll have my TA grade the tests, she needs something to do anyway. Wanna race to the bar on segways?
Any story that involves the words "bloody hand job" and/or "sliced penis" is bound to be a good one, right?
I would agree. Whose business is it if I like to guzzle vodka by the liter on my of time? Answer: mine.
You should frame my arrest warrant.
Plus you get to call him out on being a dick. It's more satisfying than ever sex I've ever had.
When creating your wedding guest list do you put the girl you & your fiance had a threesome with under your friends or his friends?
Dude. If you guys end up really liking each other, the color of his pubes won't matter. I wouldn't break a sweat.
Randomize
