just got pizza delivered to the hot tub. its easier than i thought to be this lazy
you left a note on your car that said " please dont tow, im to drunk to drive. safety first!"
Just saw some airport workers running through the terminal with liquor bottles. That's my kind of emergency.
He looked at me and said "Last call" before putting his penis away into his boxers
Get everyone into the kitchen. I need you all to witness me friend-zoning him. Just in case.
there are ass prints on the hood of my car.
he ate me out like he was chugging a beer.
I feel like a color. Like a wavy color
This isn't a because its valentines day booty call, it's a because your cock is phenomenal booty call that happens to be on valentines day..
BTW, you ever shave a dick into my dog, I'll cut you. I'll laugh first, but then I'll cut you
Just walked into the library with a case of Strawberitas in hand.. no one said a word.. I think they were just impressed I knew where the library was
The more I piece together last night the more I want to vomit it out of my brain.
I JUST LIKE FLANNEL, NOT VAGINAS! OK?
I think my ball sweat smells like waffle house. might be time to change up drunken eating habits
This chick walked up to me in the bar and started making out with me, then grabbed my drink while I wasn't looking and walked off.
Randomize
