If it were my dying wish, would you come over 2nite 2 save me?:):):) wana come anyways?
Help i just walked in on mom blowing dad
Do you know my vagina holds 14 pints of water?
Putting the night light in my bathroom cabinet was the best idea ever. Awesome for puking while light sensitive
i just wasnt prepared to have the baby of one of two french firemen. threesomes are too confusing.
Somebody left a mini pitcher in the bathroom. Think its safe?
The cops caught them pow wowing in the teepee at the entrance of the golf course at 5 am. But were still missing someone.
We told you to stay put for 2 minutes. We come back out and your being handcuffed yelling "DO YOU FEEL LIKE A GOOD FUCKING PERSON ARRESTING ME ON MY BIRTHDAY?!"
Is it hot in here? Is the room moving? Its moving. The room is moving. Its spinning like a top. Have you ever been covered in puke? What are you doing?
I walked in her room to find her rubbing lotion on her face high as fuck.
I'm pretty sure the girl in the stall next to me is waiting on me to leave so she can poop but I'm doing the same thing so it's like a Mexican standoff
Every time I start to think he's just not worth the trouble, he puts his face down there and I wanna buy him a car
Just so you know in the morning, yes you did send your bartender a snap of your boobs. No I didn't try to stop you because you used sound logic for doing so.
I'm literally trapped as the little spoon on a mattress on the floor of an unfinished basement with a professional athlete snoring in my hair
reminiscing on last night: why the fuck did I feel the need to stand on chairs everytime we took a jello shot?
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