no matter how many times i close my eyes and hit ignore on my phone. i must remind myself shit i still have to see her at work
you never know, standards drop, they turn gay, shit happens.
Just sold a bike on craig's list for 4 four lokos and a 40. How bad do you miss college?
I just watched a girl in the library pull a vodka bottle out of her bag. I think I'm going to give her my number.
Just woke up and my doorbell is on my nightstand... the fuck?
Horrible. I told her my girlfriend is in the hospital and she tried to give me a lapdance.
Don't let her tell you any different. She licked the balls of my hamster for that $100. It was a group bet. She won.
She kept telling me to calm down. I was on the floor with my eyes shut, not moving. In levels of calm I was one step above coma patient
she just announce I'm david copper field and tried to shove a napkin down my throat
I feel like i'm walking on a never-ending field of baby sheep.
Ugh. The fucking vaginal recession is so real right now.
You fell in the corner and refused to get up unless someone helped you. And then you crawled under the pool table and took a nap.
She doesn't believe I only want to use you for sex. She has a much higher opinion of me than either of us do.
I will fuck anyone who brings me mcdonalds right now
If you really hate him do what I do: give him an amazing night of unforgettable sex then dump him. You’ll ruin sex for him because new girls won’t compare
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