And hes hitting me with his balls, really hard.
i feel like arbor mist is too classy for that. you need a colt 45
Yeah you're right. The one time when arbor mist is too classy
at least i was responsible enough to take off my shoe and throw up in it
I just found scrambled eggs in my shower. Thanks for that, asshole.
Things I learned last night: 1. Bacardi 151 is a one-way ticket to the toilet, 2. It is possible for a human being to turn into Mount Vesuvius
and i think wearing the clothes from last night are out of the question...was there mud wrestling there? because i look like a participated..with a cat.
To tired for the bar. Came home and drank wine out of the bottle. Kind of don't want to know what that says about my life.
She just came home holding a fire hydrant. Yes a fire hydrant.
I had a dream I gave a blow job to a guy whose dick forked off into two. I'm going to spend the rest of my life confused.
I had sex on the roof of the dorm last night ... I feel like a combination of spiderman and van wilder
Honestly you'd think more guys would be happy to date a cute female dealer, but apparently something about safety or whatever
"She's seriously grinding on him while whispering into his ear, 'take me to McDonald's.'"
I have no idea what happened last night, but my pee is neon green.
Oh my god, are you sexting me while watching the Democratic debate.
100%
Now I'll never know if it was me that got you worked up, or Bernie Sanders' social policies.
Not sure what you smoked, but you put raw bacon on the lazy Susan and spent 45 minutes looking at it and mumbling Meat Spin
Randomize
