At a sweet 16. cant remember what shirt im wearing byt dnt worry im not sleeping w/ the guy who serves the chicken nuggets again
I just woke up with a girl who has left and right tattoed on her wrists. In french. I may need to stop drinking.
he whispered in my ear that he would be upstairs and i should come up. i stayed downstairs. he came back down and repeated to whisper in my ear. this happened about 5 times until he passed out.
I realize that when i start making 24-themed music videos in my head to the song 'love is a battlefield' that i really need to get out more
I saw his package. It spoke to me.
It smells like Drakkar Noir and desperation out here.
That's why you should quit smoking.
Just talked to the girl you brought home from the bar last night while she was looking for her panties. She said to tell you "nice try".
If I had KNOWN you and mom were coming to visit, I wouldn't have passed out in the frat. This is why I hate surprises.
UPDATE: lighting the grill with Bacardi. Haven't slept. Forgot the hamburger buns. Almost out of our eighth handle.
I just realized that there are baby oil soaked hand prints on the wall over my bed. Last night was a good night.
She blew me in the back of the cab while eye of the tiger was on the radio. Top five all time automatically
It feels like a bunch of leprechauns are using my brain as a soccer ball
If your night didn't end with writing a witness report for the cops at a shwarma place, your night was probably less interesting than mine.
Left Las Vegas at 2:30 am, woke up at 11 AM at a Barstow gas station with the Valet from Ceaser' palace snoring in the backseat and no memory of how we got there. I felt like Raoul Fucjing Duke right then and there.
I watched my wife kick balloons while wearing thigh highs. It's not a sentence you get to use too often
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