There is a man on the balcony beside me who claims he is a triceratops. He roared and asked me for a cigarette, telling me he'd eat me if I refused. I love college.
Mario Lopez is the poor mans Ryan Seacrest
Mars, I'm going to name my child horatio mars. He will hate me till he gets high. Then he'll understand
watchout when you come home, dougs at the top of the stairs naked eating doritos
story update. I'm locked out of my house. Walk of shame advisory extended...
i wasn't going to tell her about the threesome but i had to explain the tree and the green paint everywhere
You may or may not have poured bacon fat down her shirt
Definitely Got caught hugging a strangers tree last night with 5 others.
We are winners. And by winners I mean home wrecking sluts
Isn't that what our 20s r for?? Testing the strength of other people's shitty relationships?
Last comment. I know of no exercises, diets or practices out there to help keeping balls young and healthy. They simply succumb to gravity.
He just got dropped off drinking a flask, sitting on the handlebars of a chinese delivery man's bike
Tonight's gonna be epic. Did he bring my noodles?
Sorry was covered in semen when you texted me. Just walking back from the Harvard Club
All you needed to say was one of those sentences and the other would've been implied.
I think the only context in which I'd be comfortable being kidnapped is by a band of baby sloths
I came home and my mom goes "why are you barefoot and where the hell are your shoes?" and I replied "I have French fries"
Interlocking vagina powers go!!'
Oh god, your drunk again aren't you?
Randomize
