Just told the nurse I wouldn't get on the scale. Told her to write FAT.
woke up rolled in a yoga mat listening to enya. I'm never going back to Oregon ever again.
Two words Indian burn...
What did she think it was, a shake weight?
yeah except there is a correlation between drinking moonshine and going blind, which kind of concerns me
what's not responsible about a pool full of beer?
I know I said I wouldn't, but he told me I looked like Mila Kunis. Reasons not to fuck him, go.
I just walked past a woman in the bar stroking a mans crotch, yelling 'I made this. I made this happen.'
These bathrooms are miraculous. I'd love to have sex in here. Wow. I've peed 5 times.
her vagina just converted me to Judaism.
I have this terrible fear I might accidentally text a pic of my dick to my grandma
Spent tonight painting strippers in camo.
Something I never want to forget. I'm in a porta potty and she is outside knocking on the door going "You're a queen. You're a queen. Never think any different"
like, there should be nothing wrong with me wanting to watch you put on a bikini and roll around in a kiddie pool of jello
And tell your penis that we can hang out tonight for sure.
I forgot to bring soap and all I could find here was body wash. It's like bathing with laundry detergent.
Randomize
