We got so high we made milksteak
Threesome last night. Not that cool, you tend to pick a favorite.
i think it was just a coincidence but she literally vomited the second she saw my penis.
The bartender laughed but the manager kicked me out when the mom conplained. There's no way my fart harmed that baby in any way
you're not a real person. you're actually just like a box of wine that can talk
I may or may not juuuust be reaching the point where I find some humor from waking up in the parking lot at the standard.
Tonight just feels like one of those I'm going to lose a shoe nights.
Why are you always at the walk in clinic, Lady Chlamydia?
You're not allowed to make that my permanent nickname.
She just locked herself in the bedroom with an unopened bottle of wine and a steak knife. Unfortunately for her fingers, I stopped giving a fuck two hours ago.
My middle name is suave and my vagina shoots rainbows, what else would you expect?
I'm just going to lay in a blanket cocoon of self pity for the next few months.
I just peed on a rich man's lawn fuck yeah America
Also barcrawl friday. You ARE wearing a tiara
I'm just now realizing I've slept with guys from three different decades over the past year. That's gotta be some sort of record.
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
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