I let some guy put hot sauce in my asshole for his birthday
chasing shots of tequilla with sun chips. its doable but not recommended
Dude, can't find my socks anywhere....
Yeah, you took a shit in the harbor off a wall, used them to wipe. I'm sure they're still on the beach somewhere if you really want them back
officially spring now- first drug bust of the season across the street.
I like your house better though. Cause it has febreeze and lube.
I don't think you have any idea how kinky that sounds.
I didn't know how to tell her I was too busy getting stoned and making a baked potato to meet up and finish our group project.
It was just a reflex. BOOM I kicked her in the face
he just sent me a picture of his penis sticking through a piece of paper that he had drawn a stick figure with tits on it that said "you"
I realised my life had gone downhill since being unemployed when I was making key lime pie on acid at 3am Tuesday morning.
adding to the list of how to lure in freshman boys: take dogs for a walk, yell at them from across the street, sit on the curb at 3 in the morning sobbing
I just wanted to be the best at what I did even if that included sexing a whole fraternity or sorority ya know?
I'm facebook/twitter stalking the guy I just slept with as he's passed out next to me. What a time to be alive...
Nooo. I was entirely happy pretending that my vagina only existed for peeing and releasing Satan's waterfall.
I can't believe I'm coordinating a threesome at work. My productivity is at an all time low.
I just thought I should tell you that I always know what you are doing. Everywhere. Every time. -Your loving Mother
Randomize
