Do you think there's anyone left in this world that hasn't masturbated in a computer chair?
we made out on top of his cat.
Any time you start making pro wrestling references before 10 PM I know that I'm breaking up a fight between you and some muscled up frat boy you call Hogan.
Her life must suck. All she's got is "Miss Shamrock" WHICH SHE LOST!
The worse part is i sent a text at like three that said i was getting head... Now i have no idea who's mouth has been on my dick
the girls im babysitting are trying to see how much jello they can swallow without chewing...their future boyfriends are lucky
I can't help but be optimistic. I'm like a ball of slutty sunshine.
The arresting officer told me "you probably get this a lot, but you look like anthony kiedis".
I just got released from jail. still in my kilt. bring pants damnit. they won't understand.
pants will make it better? really?
He sent me a picture of myself smashed completely butt naked passed out on the couch and said "at least I'll have these memories"
DOGS JUST TOTALLY ATE THE FEATHERS OFF MY NIPPLE CLAMPS!!!
I wish I could have seen the drive thru woman's face after " May I please have 20 Mcflurrys.....and a large diet coke, I'm trying to watch my weight for bikini season."
Mark my words I will never date another cop again. I don't care if he's JESUS.
I did way too many drugs this past week for having a broken nose #commitment
I woke up in the bathtub with money shoved down my pants. I must've done something right.
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