i think the next time he gets me off i'm going to scream bangarang
ru fi oooo
my goal in life is to wake up with my underwear on
I'm sitting at the bar eating dinner next to a nerd, a guy in a 10 gallon hat, and a policeman. I feel like I joined The Village People
PS Can you transmit a UTI to a sexual partner? I tried to ask, but the doctor just told me to abstain (sup Bristol) for my own good w/o answering
she had a pic of herself in a bikini as the wallpaper on her iPhone... I'm sensing a Tyra banks kinda girl. shit.
People are handing out olympic condoms downtown, just put it on and it broke, this is how there trying to raise the population. Very sneaky canadian government, very sneaky
Umm you don't wanna know how many "I'm sorry for calling you last night" fb wallposts I just had to write...
Responsibility does not care about your dick.
she laid there and continued moaning loudly for like 10 minutes after we were done, just so that her mom would be jealous
She was touching herself and looking a shoes online. My debt is bad enough without bringing that hot mess into my life.
That commercial was clearly aspirational. I think Arbor Mist would pair nicely with Oscar Meyer
She looked so much better when u didn't look at her and the music was too loud to hear her
It was fine. Until I accidentally shit on his floor.
You need to go! It’s a midwestern wedding - the single girls out there think life ends at 25 if they don’t have a picket fence and family. That’s when your penis introduces himself
I’ll call you in a minute. Trying to book an AirBnB so I can finally bang the yummy guy from yoga
Your downward dog is going to rock his cock. I’m jealous
Randomize
