i never thought i'd have to say "please stop having sex on me"
wow.
yeah, it was that bad.
They just gave us root beer floats. I guess I won't quit my job today.
They upped the price of Plan B! Rite-aid is going to be the reason I have illegitimate kids.
I can't decide if the sex was so good I couldn't move, or if it was me being loaded on all the morphine that they shot me up with at the ER.
HI MARY. THERE IS A RAINBOW AT OUR APARTMENT
Yea. Some girl set a laundry machine on fire. She's not getting married.
In two unrelated events today I have had frostbite on my toe and cum up my nose. Who says life stops when you get married?
hope your day is as exciting as mine- one of our trauma patients just stole an ambulance out of our bay... WITH AN EMT STILL IN IT.
I woke up still drunk to a beautiful tattooed columbian man making me pancakes. How's your memorial day?
You came down the stairs dressed as winnie the pooh and kicking cups off the table and out of people's hands
Snaps to my Ella Fitzgerald station for such a jazzy walk of shame
That's how all the girlfriends are. Oh he's a boy, no worries, then BAM. I blow their boyfriend.
Girl, he's like catnip for my pussy.
It's my birthday. I should be drinking mimosas in a top hat, not working.
Did you poop on the roof?
WTH?
Is that a no?
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