alcohol turns me into mario batali of easy mac
It was going well until he told me about the 7k he made in college to be in a gay porn
Sorry about blasting sandstorm on a loop when i left for work this morning. But maybe this will teach you to not come home trashed on a tuesday night with some chick and have loud sex till 4 in the morning. The walls are thin, remember?
this whole plan B standoff thing with her is really starting to make me nervous
We are having a competition to see who can masterbate in the wierdest place, right now hes winning since he masterbated on his Jr. High school bus.
He sent me a picture of myself smashed completely butt naked passed out on the couch and said "at least I'll have these memories"
If i ever start ordering tequila again please tackle me to the ground and steal my wallet
I almost lit my balls on fire tonight.
I don't know how or when he is sober long enough to donate plasma
Yeah, but he has adorable dimples and dimples talk me into things.
He called from a stranger phone to say. He was a t a liquior store and there was a long line they have no condoms. This is the guy i was gonna go on a date with
Atleast he is letting you know he will be late
It's funny that when I fall down as an adult I'm so much happier no one saw than that I'm not seriously hurt.
I'm currently using a band-aid to cover my bar stamp from last night while I ask my professor for an extension. That's a sign of getting more responsible, right?
Does this cleavage amount say, “Fuck it, I’m over dating, let’s just fuck?”
I think you threw up on me last night but i can't remember so i'm not mad at you.
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