Just saw actual Chinese people doing a Chinese firedrill. Good day.
She was wearing a shirt that said "Just Do Me", holding a half of a bottle of Vodka, and was screaming at her friends "PUSSY JUST SWALLOW!" before she chugged the rest of the bottle.
Dude, if you don't take her, I will.
I think I need to stop sleeping with him. Sex with him is just a reminder of the mediocrity of the rest of my life.
At what point should i just give my brother a break and stop sleeping with his friends?
You know, there is no convenient place for your beer when you are on shrooms taking a shower.
Alright, text me when you get close. I've got a mustache and I'm ready to get my day drunk on.
HOW IS IT EARTHLY POSSIBLE TO DO THAT MUCH DAMAGE WITH JUST MY THUMBS?? HOW???
you really need to remember next time not to write your name and phone number on the paper its wrapped in.
But what if it got lost?
its illegal. you dont want people to contact you if they find it.
$150 and 3 orgasms. Dogsitting is awesome.
of course the one day I come to class high we have guest speakers from the police department... Just my luck
I have so many feelings about this burrito
She gave me a job then fed me cheesecake in bed. She's a keeper!
I had cheese pancakes which is pretty much just melting cheese in a frying pan and then eating it except youre in denial that your life is a wreck
Definitely woke up.this morning to a random girls head in my toilet and her mom knocking on my door.
our moms work together...I can just see the conversation now, hey your daughter ruined my sons marriage, that's probably how it will start.
Randomize
