get your tongue out of his mouth and answer your phone. if your not doing more than making out i'm gonna be so pissed. i'm about to sleep in your car bitch
Is it a bad that I spent my 5 year anniversary with my husband texting my ex boyfriend?
Was just shown the photos from a professional photoshoot my aunt had for their dog...not drunk enough for this...
Just found out for my occult lit class (history of cults) final project is making a spellbook. Hello last term of college.
Did she have bad breath? Bad breath makes you think of all the bad things in the world
1st rule of birth control pills: do not stop taking birth control pills. 2nd rule of birth control pills: do NOT STOP taking birth control pills.
Dude the tree smoked with me. I planted the roach with it and smiled.
I am in the bathroom at work, pooing while eating pretzels. Hungover Fridays are in full effect
i'm pretty sure you can't sue someone for "Taking a shit on my kitchen floor."
Also he said my vagina was sculpted by gods so there must be some feelings here.
Do normal couples celebrate occasions naked with Chicken McNuggets and BBQ sauce?
we're forecasting high levels of inebriation into the evening with dropping temperatures late at night
I don't know when he had the time to do it but he dug a hole in our basement like the shawshank redemption
Of course I fucked her, her man stole my bike when we were kids
It’s like a sexy version of those choose your own adventure books from when we were kids. No matter what you choose, there will be penis!
Randomize
