I just saw a man with a full beard and frosted tips
there is no god
i want to fuck
?
it's pretty self explanatory
That girl would be great looking if she lost 1000 pounds and cut off her head.
They threw a beer at you on stage and then you stopped the karaoke and cussed everyone in the bar out for 2 minutes
Just downloaded the entire Justin Bieber album sober.. I think you know how I'm doing.
Pretty sure I left lotion and my bra in your car. I've secured your fathers belief that your straight. You can thank me later
Call me when you get up. This hang-over is like dismantling a bomb: I need someone to talk me through it.
I had 5 long islands and 2 alien brain hemorrhages…I am entirely certain that the "power hour to finish the night" idea was just too much.
I'm almost too hungover to function. Got into the wrong car by mistake. there was a rotweiler in it. Thank god he was more confused than i was for a minute.
It makes no sense at first, you go with it, it's fun and entertaining and then a disaster
I could see myself being this awkward weirdo drunk girl that patted strangers and danced terribly but was powerless to stop it
No we didn't fuck. He picked me up I asked where we were going and he said "I don't know if you've ever heard of a little place called Denny's?" He was completely serious. I told him to stop the car and I got out and called Jack.
Her vag MUST be made out of starbursts or something equally as delicious.
dude it was our first time and her hair caught on fire from the candles on the nightstand
There is no way that actually happened!
the smell of burnt hair covered up the sweaty sex smell.
May have told my history professor I wanted him to stuff me like a turkey. Too slutty?
Nah, people appreciate the creativity of seasonal sluttiness. Let me know if it works!!!
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