Pants 0. Shit 1.
a strip club that doesn't allow touching or asking for sex... whats the point?
unless her vagina can tell me my horoscope in sign language, I'm not going.
they need to just BURY HIM!
We should write a comic book about the many adventures of your vagina. Maybe even give it a cape or something.
Weirdest conversation with my dad. He just told me he didn't shave his pubes.
you went around grabbing cigarettes out of peoples mouths and claiming you were curing cancer.
Just tried to fight the dj at cowboys because he would'nt play freebird. Pick me up now.
Well, think of it this way, if this were 200 years ago your father would have received the most goats in all the village for your fertile loins. Think about that.
well its a long story but basically i overcame many cockblocks
i think i have weasels eating my brain. Also there is a skeleton staring at me from the back of the bathroom door. it's an awkward vomit. come find me please
Sex on the scooter in the parking lot wasn't the smartest idea. Actual quote from the cop as he handed me the ticket and fist bumped me.
Just opened up the freezer to find chocolate penis popsicles. Too hungover for this shit
The spirit of America is being too hungover to celebrate America right?
I'm just the girl with the breathalyzer keychain, and I embrace that.
Right before he dumped me... he got a really ugly pair of pants. They were twill pants. A pinkish color. When I'm sad... I picture him in them. It makes me smile.
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