I'm watching Cheaper By The Dozen. I almost forgot that Hilary Duff was a really shitty actor before she was a really shitty singer.
i feel sorry for the hotel staff that makes the bed after we have sex
im probably shirtless right now with a bottle of jack watching horton hears a who. this is a judgement free zone.
Dude your neighbors are having a garage sale. They were judging me as I walk of shamed back to my car.
I drink way too much to have a type. Last weekend I picked up a guy who calls me "baby girl"
omg. i wish i could describe to you the number of things that were just in my vagina. i feel like i got gangbanged by construction workers.
Some guy in lab is humming along to a Sara Barrilles song. Or maybe I'm just hearing the song echoing in his huge, gaping vagina.
Both of our knuckles were split open this morning when I came out of the blackout, the column on the porch has two new cracks in it, were like the redneck Super Smash Bros.
But I did spend part of my morning scrubbing your cum off my grandmothers piano.
I don't remember, but I believe your goodnight phrase was "nice meeting you, thanks for not macing me"
He said I was doing well, so I stopped mid blow job to compliment his grammar. You could say I like intellectuals
Have you seen that new toaster that burns your pics to toast? Let's drink some booze and discuss what I have I mind.
I still can't believe I was army crawling thru his backyard at 2am..
Is it weird that I was turned on when he told me he had a vasectomy?
I knew you two would hit it off
Sorry. I was preoccupied thinking about penises
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