I just remembered we said the Lord's Prayer before we went out last night.
FYI If I die in my sleep it is because I drank a bottle of coke from 1986. I needed a mixer
I walked out of the bedroom naked holding a used condom only to be greeted by half of my family. Happy birthday mom
Do you have any pix of it limp? I wanna see the metamorphosis, like a cock caterpillar turning into a giant beautiful cock butterfly!
It sucks laughing and vomiting at the same time, trust me. I kind of remember
Probably TMI here but I just rubbed one out while listening to thunderstruck, almost ripped my dick off.
Something about Sunday night screams phone sex
The resort was totally empty, just June and I. Which of course lead to EXCESSIVE day drinking and outdoor fucking. FYI Dominicans LOVE to watch.
Breaking news: when you're gone every towel is a dick towel
Oh yeah, you are a real peach except for shitting uncontrollably and bleeding out of your face.
I guess what I'm trying to get to is that my dog sneezed on my dick earlier and its really taken the joy out of my evening.
im so drunk that this cat is mothering me. aggressively
If my body were a person, it would be beating the shit out of me for what I did to it last night.
he invited me over. we listened to jazz, smoked weed, then cerebrally fucked each other over a three hour game of chess
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
Randomize
