Whod you bang
Hey its my first time.
I think you mean "it's my first time"
this homeless guy just told me to make a wish on his magic plastic spoon but said to be careful what i wish for...
he picked an earring up off the bar floor and tried to give it to girls as a present.
I said "have a good day officer and I'll see you friday when I get arrested for being too drunk.."
Too drunk to talk to museum staff. So much for proper wednesdays
Have you ever had one of those moments when you kept whispering to yourself "I'm not a slut, I'm not a slut..."?
I think if it were a part of everyone's daily routine, the world would be happier. International Finger Yourself While Bathing Day.
I'm calling it the Friendlationship with Benefits Zone.
You're either a hooker or Beyonce. Beyonce is abnormally good at doing everything in heels
Eating a popsicle in the shower was the best idea I've had in ages.
I have 7 papers to write and I already bought gas station ice cream in my pjs and questioned whether or not a beer float was a thing.
Just because you have put things in my vagina does not mean you know me
Matched with the lumberjack. Here's your wedding invite.
Tomorrow's lesson plan is going to be on hangovers and why drinking during the week is never a good idea. I hope my boss approves.
Randomize
