You should get sea herpes
I mean sea horses
Listen, I'm 30. If it doesnt involve a super soaker and some chicken wings, you can count me out.
we went to get a refill in his room and ended up having sex and passing out. then he woke me up with sex and gave me a beer for breakfast. i never want this to end
12 trash cans filled with water. Beer cans floating in each, 12 ft apart. Dodgeball. Ultimate beer pong.
Rules. We have to wear superhero outfits
My diabetic professor who apparently didn't eat anything all day keeps passing out. I gave him a joint. He's gonna be fine.
Something bad happened. I'm just giving you some notice. So you can smoke some pot and hide all sharp items in the house.
I may or may not already be in your hot tub when you get home. I have a key to your house and no shame.
Because of my cut offs, my brother is convinced I fucked a girl so hard she forgot to take her pants. Fairly accurate.
I was going through my settings and the phone randomly started playing "Crazy Little Thing Called Love" by Dwight Yoakum. Out loud. At full volume. I was shitting. There were 3 other people in the bathroom. I love iOS 7.
Ooo, yeah! Thanksgiving will be a blast. Can't fuckin wait for the next round of "have you found a nice young man yet?" Followed by a lovely helping of "don't worry, there's someone out there for you."
Now I don't feel like I'm sweating cheeseburger all the time.
I'm giving head in a stairwell, I'll be back in a few minutes. I'm so ashamed.
You talk the same way I hallucinate.
Be there in a sec. We have to stop at Target to buy her underwear first.
The highlight of my week is I found some hetero porn I didn't completely hate. Branching out.
Randomize
