my sister just canceled her nose job because she thought it would hurt too much
It'll hurt less than being alone
We planned for the zombie apocalypse. In great detail. Of course there was booze involved.
I like the one of me you and her but you're looking at me...Total foreshadowing right there. I'm cropping it
Drunk. I slept-stripped.
By myself.
I gotta stop tellin complete strangers at the bar that they're the godparents to my first born
I can't believe that 100lb chick tackled me through a flight of stairs
I see your smile in the face of every drunk that senses he's about to slay a troll.
Day 1 of "Death of a Liver" weekend complete. It came with flashbacks of horrible mistakes I made due to alcohol. I'm excited for how Sunday is going to turn out.
Well then sir I'll probably see you tomorrow after my class and at 3 with your clothes off. Sounds like a solid way to start the weekend to me
I've figured out why I love winter sex. Because I make them leave the beanie on, and we all know I love a man in a beanie.
I feel like we should apologize to the light saber. We were REALLY inappropriate with it last night.
If you were more comfortable around gay men, then you too could get wasted at the gay dance club and go home with hot girls.
I'm sure I'll run in to him again, there's only so many VA detoxes.
My general physician told me i have the emotional capacity of a 2 year old, While he refilled my xanax prescription. That's service!
Well I've decided to refuse to conform to society and be naked the rest of the day.
Randomize
