She asked to borrow my chapstick then said "I promise I won't get herpes on it"
I don't care if he is my ex... I have the deed to his dick until someone else fucks him. We broke up 2 years ago.... I am still holding that deed!
i wiped a booger on my final. end of semester present.
Well ya in hindsight obviously offering the cop a jello shot was a bad idea
you grabbed the waitors dick and yelled '2nd base' and then he gave you his number. I hate your life.
I do have sympathy for you. It's just not going to manifest as a blow job.
I am so hung over a medically induced coma is beginning to sound appealing.
I danced on the street to dubstep on a boombox for an hour with a lesbian single mother.
her mom went out of her way to book us a room with separate beds... her level of gay denial is in beast mode
I'm alittle affraid you might be dead, seeing how your work party is in an hour and you haven't answered me? I mean I'm picturing you 1. Passed out in your car covered in fries or 2. On a boat in a box to Mexico covered in coke. Please let it be number 1. And aren't we going to your work party?
Well, if worst comes to worst, I have pictures of his penis that I can put on the internet
Sooo a reasonable response to someone eating my lunch is to set the place on fire right?
You did a cartwheel, it was terrible.
I remember that cartwheel, it was okay.
Dude, you were so drunk you were hanging from the ceiling of my car pretending you were a sloth while we were on 81.
These guys are just fucking with my heart instead of fucking me. They're fucking up.
Randomize
