she calls it her "sourpuss" because everyone makes that face when they see it.
He's trying to wipe up all the spilled drinks with a banana
She vajazzled her vag. It was as useless as putting earrings on chewbacca
Update: I only have one shoe. The other one now belongs to the gods of jello-wrestling. May it rest in peace.
we're driving around with this really dirty (unclean and inappropriate) 60 year old ex-san quintin con named old skool d that my brother knows and hes bringing us to get weed. what is montana?
Ok so in the last 18 months I have now driven four different dudes into counseling. I'm like heroin with a vagina.
don't say the first was when I crawled under into the dressing room
Yeah he got kind of mad when he found out he had chased his last two shots with a combination of orange soda, water, and used mouth wash.
Hate you missed the after party, I was covered in dish soap gliding bare assed down a slip n slide at 6:30 this morning
Side note... I would pay good money to have witnessed the reaction of onlookers as I sprinted down Armtiage with a 15 lb bag of peanuts under my arm
Apparently "dick me" was not the response he was looking for.
This reminds me of the time I was given a lap dance by a David Bowie drag king...
I stole a tiki torch last night and just returned it. Things have been better.
Tune in tm morning for how to buy Plan B in a foreign country while coming down off ecstasy
I can't wait to see you again. It will be like when we first started dating- but with less clothes.
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