I got date raped at Sigma Chi last night!
Dude, you never made it to Chi last night. You fell into a tree and passed out.
the girl next to me in class just threw up in a waterbottle during our exam.
Since when does wearing a condom and going down on me make someone a gentlemen?
We somehow managed to get the sumo-wrestler costume into the washing machine, but I don't think the cupcake icing completely came off... And it still smells like tequila.
I baptized my dog in my pool last night because he snapped at my party guests, how was your night?
I don't understand how 5 bottles of booze became normal or acceptable per 2.5 people
just used my amazon order history to figure out my anniversary. I am the most epic/shittiest bf ever...
I just washed out an empty chocolate milk bottle to take whiskey on my bike ride.
You are not an adult
Woke up on the couch with one cowboy boot on and a hat over my crotch. God bless texas.
I'm the Oprah of jello shots
I don't drink nearly as much when I'm coupled, and that's not a lifestyle I can commit to
What the hell did you do last night?
I embarrassed myself, my family, name, and possibly my country.
Bro, that'd be the third dick I've taken down in the office.
He tried to throw up into a beer bottle. It was a complete disaster. Vomit went everywhere. It put the Bellagio's fountain to shame.
You kept apologizing to your car for talking behind its back
Randomize
