I was just curling my hair topless and I just burned my nipple. Ouch.
i soberly give you permission to do that to me when im drunk
you should probably quit with the whole "no homo" thing, especially when you are drunk, "mo homo"gives the wrong impression.
Yeah the sex got weird after I said "who's your daddy?" and she actually moaned her dads name.
i swear, about 40% of my drunken life is spent having sex with him.
Can u check his last FB check in, then come pick me up from there. Blame it on the tequila
finding an unopened condom on the ground can really change your outlook on the night
i cant believe we used adam and eve as a sexting theme last night
Why is my hat full of peanuts?
Don't throw them out, I'm on my way
In all fairness that 65 year old man looked 23 in club lighting so you can fuck right off
They need to eat meat, go down on me the first time, every time, and know how to pull my hair. And there's a height requirement for this ride
Mom said it is up to us to plan Thanksgiving. Hooters or Scores?
Or???
You know the force is loosing strength when Darth Vader can't handle his liquor on halloween.
She swallowed the car key because she thought we were really going to make her drive.
We still getting married? Or were you day drinking
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