I have a client coming in and there's a note that says she wants her hair to like Elisabeth Hasselback's from the view
that's Oklahoma for you
so I finished the entire bottle...next thing I know, it's 8 am and I wake up on the fucking beach in the low tide with a family standing about 30 feet from me just staring.
I just withdrew $200 in ones. I think the teller knew what was up
its totally unfair that im just as ill-prepared as a 16 year old but there's no tv show for 25 and pregnant.
Can we dedicate this weekends marathon sexcapades to all the haters?
I just threw up every bad decision and it hurts
He walked door to door asking if anyone needed to get laid. Surprisingly, that ended his drought
is there any kind of "im boning my neighbor and he happens to be a manager at walmart" discount that our new relationship entitles me to??
Pretty sure my idea of standards went out the window when I hooked up with a guy who had a rooster tattoo with an arrow pointing down to his no no bits. Think about it.
We did Irish Car Bombs out of butter trays, the influence of the retired community is astounding- I didn't know people even owned more than one butter tray.
I knew it was on when all she had to say about the handcuffs was 'I really hope these adjust tighter!'
Dude, i just watched a drag queen dropkick a motherfucker. this is a good night.
I feel bad for her. If you sacrifice and have a chubby husband I feel that you assume he's not going to cheat on you....
I've had sex with three people who have this birthday.
Chicks dig it when you smell like bong water and frebreeze.
Randomize
