I just had to google "How do I get semen stains off of drywall." I'm relatively proud of this
I fucked a 6'7 Danish man. In the ocean. At 5am. Greetings from Florida!
ill give you the fast version. Hooked up with 17 year old coworker while housestting for my boss
Did you guys have sex yet? And don't worry, I broke the ice already by sending this to both of you. So you can just jump right into it. You're welcome.
I don't know how I feel about the stuff we got from that guy. Me and Monty are driving through town listening to static at full blast...
She's trying to feed the TV fried rice and screaming "FRIED RICE AND TEARS". Please bring me more booze.
Oh, and she's that dumb bitch that goes out in public in full make up and sweats with uggs. I hope she falls face first in a bowl of queso and drowns
In honor of the internet blackout, I think everyone needs to change their Facebook pictures to ones of them being blacked out.
I feel like the devil slapped me in the face with his dick.
Birthday success
Escorted out of jimmy johns because I refused to leave with my dog. Stole a loaf of bread on the way out.
Other than my penis smelling like an ashtray, it went really well.
It's midsummers eve. A.k.a. come over so we can get drunk and wear leaf crowns
Update: that felon in Georgia I slept with is now a police officer. What a wonderful world
Too bad, iambic pentameter is a drunk specialty of mine.
Andddddd I'm drunk
Andddddd it's Tuesday
That's your opinion.
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