Tonight was fucked up. First my mom called me and told me I had to go to the bar to pick up my dad 'cause he was drunk. Then when I got there my dad was doing a body shot from this lady who happened to be my 1st grade teacher. By far the most awkward car ride home. Idk if I should tell my mom or not.
dude, my own friends sent me home from a party last night. real cool assholes. real cool
There's some strange man with hair that keeps talking to us. I'm scared.
This is how horror movies start. Going to bar with strange hair guy. He's paying. Bad idea?
Ditched hair man. Got free cab ride to market. Want food. I win.
btw, i had a dream i drank 260-proof vodka last night. thank god that doesn't exist in real life.
Life lesson: When you compete in an impromptu "bloody mary chug-off," in the end, no one wins.
This from the guy I found eating salad out of a pot lid in his boxers on his porch last night.
If this first date goes well and I like him, I won't sleep with him. But if it doesn't go well, I'll sleep with him.
dude ur drinkin a beer not ta capri sun. lose the straw
Oh man
I hooked up with the lead singer of the band at the wedding. I am so hungover.
Her ex was at the party her housemates were having. He knocked on her door asking how she was while we were going at it. Turns out they were trying to work things out. Don't think I'll ever forget his face when we walked out of her room.
Im gonna go lick parts of my apartment. Good night and be ever vigilant, you never know when I'm coming to epoxy your hand to you nipple.
He got punched in the face last night? By who? I’ll invite him to our formal. Seriously.
I'm sitting naked on my bathroom floor and it remind me of us.
That's my way of saying I miss you
She was here for a threesome... She doesn't have to put the new roll of toilet paper on the dispenser. She can leave the new roll wherever she wants!
Getting blackout drunk infront of my family was never on my bucket list, but now that I've done it I'm cool with it.
Randomize
