I know it's VERY late and i know i may have burdened you, but on the chance that it's sat nite- are you up or willing to be? Christinas camping and i'm chillin alone.
He started to notice that i sleep with every girl he calls dibs on.
I was really sad when you left and cried. And i don't know what a face promise is, but apparently i made you make one.
The amount of my urine my roommate has consumed after I found out he's been eating my food almost offsets how angry I am
Yeah, I wouldn't mind getting fingered in the corner of a dive bar again.
Can we skip lunch and do power hour sex time from now on? I'll let you eat nachos off my body if you really need the food.
Want to come over and rub aloe on my tits?
When I see myself in tank tops and push up bras I seriously wonder why I'm not President.
The worst thing about him living around the corner is that who ever suggests the booty call is the one that walks over.
He said we were over, wrote my name on the condom he left in my car last night and said he'd always keep it in case I came back. It was kind of romantic
It's 4/20 and I spent the morning in the gym and am working later tonight. I don't even have any weed. Why am I adult-ing again?
Drinks have officially taken priority over self-respect, and I'm not even all that torn up about it.
Sexual side note: sushi and cum do not mix well. That is all.
Pretty sure my aunt hooked up with one of my brothers frat brothers at his graduation party
"Offered to eat Froot Loops out of my belly button" drunk. Thats how drunk.
Randomize
