At a straight bar and poker face just came on...must...resist....urge to gay it up
Why would that come on at a straight bar? I thought they just played Don't Stop Believin and Wonderwall on repeat
my brother is so whacked out on percocet from hurting his legs that he started crying because his belly button was so cute
Apparently oprah and I were in competition to see who's ass could get bigger this summer
I'm glad my gym is open 24 hours..I stopped in on my way home to puke from the bar
He said he's was gunna give me some pain meds. I'm not sure what they are but I just gave him a thumbs up
I wish I had a frozen water bed.
best. idea. ever.
she ate the whole pudding cup using only her tongue. i'm considering going lesbian for her
Im drinking a large pickle jar full of Emergency, water and left over pickle juice and I dont care.
We fed your dog hot wings then gave it some Bud light to drink. You're right. Dogs are fun.
I hate when people see you passed out in your front yard and call 911. Like what, you can't take a nap face down on your steps at 4pm?
well in the interest of full disclosure I have been using a used kfc spork as a buttscratcher for a month
All I know is I want him to tie me up at least twice a week and I have an overwhelming urge to cook for him. Could this be love? I'm so confused....
What's protocol when the 18 year old son of an anti-gay preacher sends you a message on Grindr during church?
His family, without saying anything, started a game of quarters the moment the drinks arrived. I love them. If only I didn't hate him so much.
Idk. The bad part of me thinks it's a good idea. The bad part is also the stupid part.
Randomize
