so she proceeds to puke everywhere, look up at me like a sick dog, and then say, "i'll finish if you want me to."
This guy told us that for a dollar and two cigarettes he'd let Megan stomp on his crotch. We were gonna refuse, but we figured someone had to keep him from passing his stupid genes along.
i have more money on itunes than i do in my bank account... college.
Dude manswers just said that a guy can only cum up to eight times in one day. I'm gonna prove that show wrong.
ha well at least you have goals.
Last night the nurse at the ER told me that she wished all her drunk patients were like me. Then she commented on my socks...
If you were wondering whether I accidentally FaceTime called the undergrad who works for me in lab during a particularly graphic blow job last night, then the answer is yes.
I can't feel my tongue. And that means go. Green means go. And you know what Barney says. Green means go and woah means no. DRIIIIINKK
Nothing quite like walking through a spider web on your way back in from smoking to fuck up a perfectly good high.
i would never take his side over yours. you coulda gotten knocked up from another dude and i'd be right there next to you blaming it on him saying some shit like "his sperm were just too sub par for you" or "shoulda had a bigger penis"
This electrician is just ripping my house apart and I'm too hungover to ask questions
I WOULD SERIOUSLY RECOMMEND THE SHIT THAT I AM ON RIGHT NOW
Other than unclothed paranormal encounters, how has your day been
My v day was great. There's a cum stain in the shape of a handprint on my sheets
I gave him one of my famous hand jobs.
Put down the Captain Crunch and get over here. It’s a dickfest!!
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