i actually looked down at my cock today and said "whoa buddy, you need a haircut....(grimace) and a shower"
I jerked off enough times today to safely commit to the fact that im not getting laid tonight
Just threw up in nordstroms while shopping for moms bday with dad. He distracted workers for me. No more tequila
BAHHAHHAHHAHAHHA SOME ASS IS BIYING NE DRHBKS. DRUBK
She is banging on the liquor store door begging them to let her come in.
that ring i bought was worth the 6 bucks. wore it to the bar, told some girl i was recently divorced and wasnt ready to take it off. just got laid. THRICE.
We went to the casino to try to earn enough money to go to new Orleans comfortably. I'm already drunk. This is a horribly immoral start to summer.
Stop thinking your God dude. You passed out. God doesn't pass out...
I'm going to give blood tomorrow. Prepare yourself for pictures and a cynical poem about the heart and its level of tangibility.
she basically told me that her vine videos last longer that I do
Are you alive?
I woke up under the pier.
She's high and running across rooftops. Yes we're going to end up in A&E again.
Like its not even midnight and I've already had enough of her for all of 2015
I'm going to become fluent in fucking Belgian boys
I fucked your neighbor. Welcome to the new apartment!
Randomize
