You should have seen k-money last night. She was just hanging on to the toilet for half the night. By her fourth trip to puke, she started talking to it and was doing the voices for her and it. She kept saying "...we thank you for your continued business..." haha
I think the recipie for awesome sauce is butter and semen
nah, shes just mad because we went through all her fb pics and tagged her crotch as all the guys shes fucked
Absolutely. Last time I signed up for a softball league I had sex with my high school economics teacher.
I think I need to donate blood to see if I have Hepatitis. Again.
Found out it was only pneumonia. We celebrated hydrocodone cough syrup. Two long island ice teas at lunch and the random white powder we found in her purse. Mother of the year award.
You will go out on a boat of flames filled with honor, sarcasm, and assholery, let me assure you.
I'm having salsa con queso and a leftover half-drank/flat red bull for breakfast. Nothing you propose doing today would be a downgrade.
Sober me admires drunk me's enthusiasm, but there is no way I'm going to make it out there today.
Lol drunk you is so full ideas and happy. Sober you is full of grumpy reality.
For not really liking Christmas, I have an astounding amount of holiday-themed lingerie
I just text my one night stand Happy Easter on her way home...now would be a good time for the lord to smite me.
I just took a service station dump so foul I had to buy gas out of guilt
I gave his daughter swim lessons and in exchange he sold me an ounce. I feel so accomplished.
I'm reading fall out boy fanfic. What has my life come to.
I get so pissed when there is something that NEEDS to be made fun of and you're not here.
Randomize
