At a place where you lie naked on a big pile of pillows and they feed you lobster. You eat it with your bare hands.
I just found out that my father was a Human condom for halloween when I was 4. And to think I used to wonder where my sense of humor came from.
so its official, girls can see a boner through my snuggie.
Nobody has ever asked me for my honest opinion on whether they needed anal bleaching before
He should get nipple rings. No homo...I actually don't think there is a way to make it non gay.
Yeah you should have just let that thought go.
I hugged the bouncer as we left.
I was at the pharmacy picking up my herpes medication and the pharmacist asked if I had any questions about my medicine, looked at the bottle, and laughed. Insult to injury man.
I warned you. Don't come crying to me when your vagina refuses to forgive you for this.
It's almost like he's actually taking my commentary and criticism to heart, but simultaneously succumbing to some primal urge to wear less clothing each time.
my gyno just used the expression "dick around." too far?
I jumped the fence at the bar last night. My dress got stuck and I ended up flashing the entire patio for a good 30 seconds.
At the 10 second mark everyone started to whistle and cheer. Free drinks all night
Just deepthroated a hot dog. Thinking of you
You are telling me my dick tastes like a taco supreme?
I'm saying this "taco supreme" tastes like your dick.
I miss seeing you
i hope for the sake of your safety you were not with your girlfriend while sending texts like that at 3 am
I tried making my own red bull with crushed up caffeine pills, bubbley water and flintstones chewable vitamins. The ER doctor sead I'm lucky to be alive.
Randomize
