oh fat girl friday strikes again...
I shaved my legs finally. I am starting to remember what my skin feels like.
he peed everywhere. it's like having a puppy.
I remember tearing his shower curtain down but I don't remember trying to shave my vag...
You need to always be prepared. Like a sex firefighter.
Found my wallet. It was under my dresser with a note that said "good job you found me". Drunk me is an ass.
Did I actually say goodbye last night or did I just poison you with vodka and disappear?
You BETTER NOT STEAL MY MOTHERFUCKING SQUIRREL
I lost the bet. I now have to do all chores sans clothing of any kind. I give it a week before I'm knocked up...
Whatever you do tomorrow don't let me put on the Borat mankini and yell "POLAR PLUNGE!!" while diving into the pool
The pool is covered.....
Like that would stop me.
It would seem she's painting a bullseye right in between her legs
Interesting occurrence: the application I use to keep track of my periods and sexual encounters just notified me it had been over 4 months since you were logged as an active partner and ask if I'd like to remove you from my options. Wow, kmsl.
Also, I called my liver hardcore in front of vet students last night and then wound up having three of them trying to palpate it. So...not saying that again.
apparently I got pissed off that no one would let me spray them with a bottle of champagne at midnight of the new year. so I sprayed myself with one shirtless in the near freezing cold outside
Talk all the shit you want but I slept in a oversized monster truck tire last night.
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