I feel like my sweat is 40 proof right now
i can now get sex on a playground off my list of things to do in life.
Gay walks of shame are so much more Amy Winehouse than straight girls
He saw my tits then looked up and yelled thank you jesus as loud as he could
I only want to screw him when I'm drunk. Problem is I try to be drunk as often as possible
Only you can can turn Jenga into a drinking and then a sex game.
maybe next time you shouldn't be drinking alone watching intervention at 3 am and no one would think you needed an intervention.
He was ugly. Like horse ugly. But he was built for power, not for speed.
on the subway to an interview & there's a dude doing whippits out of a cheese wil can
I've been timing it. He's been showering alone for 33 minutes. 4 minutes ago, he said "truth or dare." haven't heard anything since.
We literally just Chinese fire drilled so I could give him road head.
Talking to her is like watching "Bad Life Choices: The Movie"
When I was hooking up with this guy last night all I could think about was if we were in Game of Thrones... I need to stop doing drugs
Is someone on their way here yet? I'm way too tweaked to be here alone
Do you know anything about how the saran wrap ended up on my toilet seat?
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