yea i guess its safe to say fire extinguishers are not synonymous with whip cream cans
It's not fair. Guys with dicks that huge should not be allowed to be catholic.
its impossible for me to find something that fits my tits my muffin top and my ass all at the same time
My life has become a never ending game of 'illegal or just frowned upon?'
No more tipping the bathroom attendant with your phone.
She is singing the swedish chef song and throwing utensils. I love this place
If it's not soft enough to fuck on, then we're not getting the new rug.
got high to the hills theme song. FEEL THE RAIN ON YOUR SKIN. no regrets.
you can officially check off peeing off the 5th floor while shouting "I want to break the guinness world record for longest piss stream" off your college to do list.
Sweet and genuine is kinda lame. I'm more of a bust all over your face and hair kinda guy.
Uhm the hair is off limits bro, conditioner can only go so far.
Bro? You just made it a target.
He asked me if I wanted to play "Edouard Mandevan," turns out that's French for Edward Winehands
I am truly sorry that you have to put your dog down. He was a great dog, and a great friend. I am still not showing you my tits.
a large sweaty girl i dont know is sleeping in my bed. A scotish man and a small child looking dude are on the couches im on the floor sleeping and im ok with it
We were drunk at 3am with no food. I sent him to the lobby with ninety cents for like a bag of chips and I swear on my life he came back with a meatball sub
...did you ask him where he got a meatball sub at 3:00am?
He just kept mumbling something about being a hunter/gatherer
Oh AND he got us two bags of chips.
MASS TEXT: Next weekend I will be in town for St. Patty's day. There will be a bonfire and liqour olympics. We will have booze but in order to participate it is byob. Upon arrival everyone will be asked to sign a waiver. I am not responsible for liver failure, death, loss of clothing or memory, bites, scratches, hickies, pregnancies, or any other for of injury you may obtain while participating. There will be ridiculous amounts of green glitter, be prepared to puke it up. ALSO WEAR SOMETHING GREEN OR YOU WILL BE PENALIZED!! AUTOMATIC 5 SHOTS. HAPPY GAMING!!!
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