is it wrong that i woudl like to tie u down to the baby changing station using the straps provided?
I like how my family gatherings are basically an ugly sweater party just with better beer and wine...
ugh the "ive seen you naked on the internet" look is really getting tiring
Oh I forgot to tell you one of the little boys in my preschool class was wearing a Hooters tank top today.
Did everyone make it back alive?
You say that with such hope.
Is that a no?
Thanks for stopping me from letting that 14 year old feel my boobs. Thanks.
It wasn't a threesome, it was me making out with one while looking at the other one screaming "does this make you jealous?"
They drank shots out of my cleavage. Surprisingly, the one who did the best was a gay guy.
I've said it before and I'll say it again: your tits are a danger to gay men everywhere.
The last time I saw you, you were rolling around on the ground at the bar.....
.....well it was bound to be an interesting night since I was chasing my pulls with pulls....
I defriended her. I just can't support someone whose profile picture is of their water birth.
Considering adding a large amount of vodka to my tomato cup-a-soup at work. Save me.
After 3 dates I think I'm failing at painting the "sweet guy with a future" picture and more painting the "this is the guy to call when you've run out of options and want to get fucked in half drunk to forget about it" picture.
apparently i tried to facetime the drunk bus last night, that's probably why we had to walk back to campus
Drunk ass.
How are you supposed to wish the guy you send nudes to good luck for the first day of his new job??
So, I just ordered a breathalyzer for this weekend. I figured if I'm getting shitfaced, I should at least be scientific about it.
Randomize
