I jusy said out loud "gingers unite in the middle of the night"
I just bought Christian paraphenilia at Borders for my dad's bday. I had the urge to tell them it wasn't mine, like I was buying laxatives or a dildo
Hahahaha. You probably would have been more comfortable buying either of those than what you just bought
Squirrels and blue jays and dove-like things. They're just frolicking around in my backyard. I wanna be like them.
we started pounding beers an hour ago to celebrate our personal snow day tomorrow. vodka shots for u of i's actual decision are on standby.
I have to take his virginity. It's what God put me on earth for. It's my life mission.
i looked at my phone and realized all i had said to her the entire night was misspelled variations of "NOTHING IS THE SAME" over and over. she eventually stopped replying.
You blackout rapped the entire DMX song Party Up last night at karaoke without looking at the screen. Then you Tebowed on stage, hugged a black guy, puked in a garbage can, then left. You deserve a medal.
I had him autograph the condom wrapper.
Should I take my grandma to a keg tomorrow or not? Serious question
I rolled joints beforehand. Lit a candle. Ghetto rigged taping the 40's on my hands and then lit the joint using the flame of the candle.
I'm so proud of your modern ingenuity
He was literally going down on me and giving me a foot rub AT THE SAME TIME. What more can I ask for?
Yeah. That's the shitty part. God, I don't want to be a step mom. Sure I'm great with kids, but I just want unlimited sex and not have to worry about making friends with a fucking 7 year old.
Dude, fate has brought her to your penis.
Nope. Im a prince of the americas. I treat my women like future queens. Also, im drunk watching the royal wedding
Were we still high when we decided to break your leg?
Randomize
