I've officially moved beyond college drinking. I just got business drunk at an internship seminar.
By connection do you mean me drunkenly grinding my ass on his lap for an extended period of time? If so, then yes, we had a "connection"
Just took a shot out of a used mini planter. Might die from the pesticides, but didnt want whoever took all of my shotglasses to think they won.
make sure nobody uses the downstairs toilet. i like to have an unused toilet for the weekends. dont shit where you puke i always say.
Dude..this is the third year in a row me and him have fucked at a super bowl party..does that count as a tradition?
seeing two freshman taking a cab home at noon on a Monday makes me realize how much worse my life choices could have been
All together there was 318 cigarette butts in the pool... And my microwave.
Well, most of my extended family doesnt know about my love for the penis, so they dont have a reason to disown me
Ummm, my mojito just spilled on 2 essays as I'm grading. Who says high schoolers have all the fun?
God I need to stop before there's a picture of my dick on my mom's phone.
i sent my dealer a picture of the money i would pay him. i also told him i would pay him in cheez-its if he would prefer that.
If anything I look like a soccor mom going out for her annual ladies night. Trying hard, but not quite in her twenty's anymore.
If you needed to get laid tonight all you had to do was ask
I think he was trying to be romantic, but the candle he had lit was the kind you use to repel mosquitoes..
you went over there?
His drunk texts were grammatically perfect. At least our kids will be smart.
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