Am I the only person who thinks Megan Fox looks totally like a Thai lady boy with a serious tanning bed fix?
I'm so ready for finals. She finally agreed to skypesex me from spain so now i'm up until 4am studying every morning waiting for her to get online
I just couldn't load the family groceries on to the same seat where I had sex 12 hours ago.
No i'm not calming down the girl at white castle did not need to see the picture of my dick on your phone.
The couch is in the bathroom. I don't understand how that is even possible. I couldnt even fit that shelf thingy through the door. Come help. I am about to pee my pants.
Are we playing "how much awkwardness can we fit in the final 29 hours of 2011"?
yes yes we are. Go do something with super glue. i don't want to win.
she said she walked into the kitchen and i was sitting ass naked on the floor chugging her parents vodka.
i remember going to sleep after the 4th time i threw up this morning and hoping i didn't have to again because then it would be uneven between saturday and sunday. my ocd is getting out of control
I let that bitch know in no uncertain terms I was taking the coke dealer in the breakup
Well my sober pact lasted almost an hour. Then I did four shots. But in other news, one of those shots I took with a midget. So like I couldn't turn that shit down.
Playing Cards Against Humanity with my relatives at Christmas while I'm stoned was a bad idea...
You're like my little fucked up version of the groundhog seeing its shadow, only it's boobs and warm weather.
So...I was fapping and during it, I got an Amber Alert notification...that's just bad timing.
why is there a porcupine in the kitchen
I've realized that my life is a cycle of high that is only broken by sobering up at work, which only happens because I can't smoke more
Randomize