dont quote avril lavinge. im to drunk.
I woke up with a picture of my dick as my background. still wondering if it was a good night or not.
he said he got tested two months ago... he goes with his whole family.
please dont pick me up from the airport dressed like a terrorist.
Honestly, it's not that easy picking a Saturday night outfit that can translate to Palm Sunday mass. Priorities.
Is my lip ring still in your hair?
Were making Christian mingle accounts. First one to get laid doesn't pay bar tabs for a month.
Challenge accepted. See you in hell.
I'm not saying Tijuana was a bad idea, I'm saying that we make poor life choices. And Steve was robbed by the police.
came home to a trail of roses from the door halfway up the stairs. but my nonsingle roommate lives downstairs. idk if they celebrated on the stairs or if some girl tried to woo me last night and i don't remember
I started scrolling back in our texts looking for context and a picture of your dick rose like the Great Pumpkin in the middle of my screen.
You walked up to me, grabbed my face and said "I just peed in the sink!"
If you can handle my post-party look you da real MVP
I appreciate the fact that you sent me a snapchat of your dick soaking in a cup of water.
This is the worst drive ever. Im hungry, hungover, i gotta shit so bad, and the only radio station im getting clearly is playing alvin and the chipmunks christmas songs
so it turns out that when you ride the subway drunk at 5 am you wake up with a sailor in your bed
Randomize
