He could be your dad!
We discussed that right before he asked for my number
Well i then put my mattress in my closet and am currently on it. This is a new one.
the semester isnt officially over until i take the batteries out of my calculator and put them back into my vibrator
No one actually likes Tequila. They just accept it as a fact of life. Like hpv.
She told me I should be a condom model.
I figure hes like disneyworld. You know youre only going once or twice in life. Might as well have fun and ride the rides
He just tried to eat my hair and he keeps talking about pissing on everything, come home soon I beg of you
Dude I'm about to just roll over and piss off the side of my bed, rather than make the conscious effort to get up and walk to the bathroom. One of those hangovers.
All I want is a guy who will love me and occasionally shave my balls.
I may or have may not just taken a swig out of a jar of alfedo sauce in my fridge. Dont judge me
She was about to leave with you until you started singing "You Hoes Ain't Loyal" in her face
i just teared up watching channing tatum in drag emerge from the fog on lip sync battle. it's gotta be PMS. either that or something is realllllly wrong with me.
Idk she seemed really innocent until she snorted that line of vicodin
Actually I learned to fire a 357 Magnum at the age of ten while on my very first period
So, is Canada considered an excessive distance to go for a booty call? Asking for a friend...
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