Dude, the girl i fucked last night left wearing my high school musical shirt you bought me. she also left her panties here though.
The one with Zac Efrons face on it? You definitely got the short in of the stick. i'd rather have the shirt
fuck. yeah me too. i don't even think these panties would fit me
i effing cant stand that stupid soul the new way to roll hamster commercial. everyone im with is laughing and now hate them all.
Im eating ham and mustard naked, watching south park, but its totally cool cuz the paper plate is covering my nuts
I would give away a ton of these clothes but I doubt there are any homeless people who dress as slutty as me
I want you to come here and listen to her climax and then tell me how funny you think it is.
Someone left a beer in front of your door...there's a note with it that says "peace offering"
who knew i was capable of sobriety and human-like emotions all in the same night?
I mean it's my life so what if i want to drink Molson from my sparkly shoes and not regret anything
hey your mom heard me say to her " That right your not going to Shit right for a month"
I'm pretty sure I just crapped out my pancreas. I have 2 of those, right?
I got kicked out of the men's bathroom at the diner last night because i was straddling the sink attempting to pee with pants on. Beat that.
she had a dildo shaped like a dolphin. she will forever be known as Flipper
found $100 my ex got arrested and I can receive free health insurance I gotta tell ya 2014 is really going to be my year
if I blackout nd am found tomorrow w butterfly hairclips on my nipples and my habd down my pants tell my family I am sorry
I'm bonding with your girlfriend. I like her. We're plotting your demise.
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