How do you feel about the band name "O'labia Newton John"??
Your dick is once again the conversation topic.
Not only do I have sand in my ass, but a crab pinched me while we were fucking. Still totally worth it.
I just want you to know I tipped the cab driver $10 last night because I felt bad that he didn't have healthcare.
Its official. Girls from Indiana do not give rim jobs.
You're going to have to tell him your name isn't Ivor McTruckson eventually.
the kid throwing up and laying face down on the deck just asked ME if I'M okay...
Have the decency to NOT HANG YOU'RE USED CONDOM ON THE FOOSEBALL HANDLES! Dickhead.
There was an unopened condom by my car when I went to pick it up this morning. Someone may have fucked on the hood of my car last night. Don't think it was me but I can't rule it out 100%.
Apparently, the right response to, "How do you feel about a terrorist being in the area?" isn't, "Well, we have vodka in the freezer, so we're good for now."
He's so urbane and sleek; so aesthetically chiseled, having endless features to offer me whenever I desire.
Are you fucking a guy or a condo building?
Pizza rolls are incredible. They are like sex, except I have them sometimes
Good news, my sex bruises are fading. Bad news, my boobs look like I have a skin disease because of it.
I like how I just yelled in the window at Mcdonalds drive thru, got his number and then fucked. it was like I ordered a happy meal that only can be had after midnight.
new low: I blocked him from seeing my snapchat story in hopes he will text me because he'll be afraid I'm dead or something
Randomize
