I hope my future cuntsucker is that tight
Alls I know is that his gf looked like Beyonce and he looked like Babar
Can't remember why I called but it definitely had something to do with Lou Bega
Since she's grinding up on your thigh right now, I'm sending you this text hoping it makes your phone vibrate in her vagina
She texted me and said she was fingering herself. Don't respond to this because she's the perfect girl. I'd love to smell her cell phone after that.
I assume you meant to text someone else on your contact list instead of your own mother...
The best time of year to be high is WHEN THE KING CAKES ARE HALF OFF BECAUSE MARDI GRAS IS OVER YEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH
My boobs grew. They knew we were going to vegas.
He went all Bachlorette on me.. "I just want to guard and protect your heart" bullshit
All I know is she had me sitting on the kitchen floor with her little Pomeranian eating potato chips And shredded cheese. I don't even know dude. I don't even know.
Now all we have to do is pretend we haven't seen each other naked. Work tomorrow is going to be FUN.
Well, if it makes you feel any better I'll be drinking tequila and doing lines on Halloween. Just like old days.
How awkward is it to have the guy you used to sleep with congratulate you on your engagement? I'll tell you. Very.
I find celibacy oppressive. Huge waste of my time and talents.
Like, I don't need to know your life dude. I just need you to suck my tits.
I just bought sparkling water with plan B. I am the most basic bitch to ever exist.
Randomize
