It took him longer to undo my bra than he lasted..
Dude, I just saw a bird vs. squirrel fight. A car won.
is it true you fucked a yoga instructor last night??! ..and let me know if you want me to post that question on your facebook so kelly can see how happy you are without her
Foreign porn with subtitles is a little disappointing.
I was holding her hair back and when she quit puking she told me she's been saving her scissor virginity for me.
What's the protocol on showing a video of me sucking the life out of my ex in order to prove beyond a doubt that I give great head???
Just bought a disco ball for 5 dollars, of course we're drinking tonight.
I think it's our patriotic duty to get high and watch the state of the union tonight
I'm sorry I make you whore yourself out to him everytime I'm drunk and want mcdonalds.
Just had that moment when you realize the two drunk women shoving all their money down your clothes were your middle school teachers...
Look at the picture I MADE him take with me...like why??? He's holding my foot?
DESTROY DICK DECEMBER\nTHE SUN SHINES ON THE THIRSTY
What. The. Fuck.
You'll have to be more specific. I do a lot of "what the fuck" kind of stuff
You know, you could always move. Lol somewhere without gators, water moccasins, and Marco Rubio.
I have a lot of money, and no morals. shots on you when you get here.
Randomize
