I just had to pull over at a starbucks to throw up in the bathroom. They really should not have let me be a lawyer.
Did I get blown in the bathroom? Yes. Did she throw up cranberry juice on my shorts? Yes. Did she finish the job? Yes.
I'm having post traumatic stress flashbacks of last night. That big. Don't know whether to call him again or change my name...
It's like his dick is pushing through his pants and driving him over here.
Rush week is fine, only the t-shirts are white and if it rains, the frat boys in their lawn chairs will be treated to 800 freshmen girls in their first wet tshirt contest.
Welcome to college.
Remember the couple Steve and I heard and rated their sex based on the bed squeaks cuz we couldn't sleep through the noise? We got them back. They turned up the radio to drown us out.
The length of my leg hair is a constant reminder of how long it's been since I even thought I had a chance of getting laid.
after you left he started opening his bottles by smashing the neck against the edge of the fireplace and pouring beer into his mouth. it was about the manliest thing ive ever seen. its probably how lumberjacks open their beers... if they didnt have their axes handy.
5% want to drink juice and feel better, 95% just want to touch your butt
all I got out of honors convocation is I've hooked up with a lot of smart guys
I have need of you to return home with haste, as I require the magical capsules you possess to relieve the posterior pain I am living. I battle this demon with stubborn grit, however I feel that defeat is on the horizon.
he passed out in the backyard and we used christmas lights as extension cords for the clippers to shave his head.
No I didn't say it was safe, I said it was legal. I didn't say anything about it being safe. It's not my fault if you weren't listening properly.
If I have put a neon “vacancy” sign on my skirt for him to get the picture I will.
it is time to test the effects of half a loaf of bread and overconfidence on the human body
Randomize
