He has 250 profile pictures. Of course he was a douchebag
It is 8 o'clock in the morning and there is already blood all over one of the stalls in the bathroom. What has your St. Patrick's day done for you?
You know that hot fire fighter I fucked yesterday? Well him and two other guys are killing the fire on my stove. Awkward.
After we finished he asked if I knew if it was a boy or girl. Diet. Starts. Now.
in the past 3 nights i've fucked a millionaire, a drug dealer and a civil engineer... i dont really have a "type" anymore
I cant yet im literally covered in lube but I will later
Fuck underwear. Let's get stoned and eat ravioli.
Nothing says happy gameday like waking up in only an ACC Championship shirt in the qb's bed with a different football player
I DON'T WANT TO KNOW THE SCIENTIFIC REASONING BEHIND WHY I STARTED A HAREM ESPECIALLY NOT FROM A GUY IN THE HAREM!
There are more dirty dishes in my bed then in the kitchen. Have I lost at life?
LET ME HAVE MY JUDGMENT OF OTHER PEOPLE
just the thought of you slurpin down noodles really rustles my jimmy
you suck at sexting
Dude you were so wasted you thought a fake electric candle was real and tried to light your cig with it. Multiple times.
I woke up this morning and my house is covered in shredded cheese with my laptop open and a google image search for "awesome shit".
Nope. I'm an adult now. I can successfully avoid to vomit in defiance of the porcelain god\n
Randomize
