in the morning i found her name, number and address on one of the empty pizza boxes. also said "ps. if you find my shoes please mail to me."
im really going to miss that car, so many blow jobs...
He is eating chips off the floor in the emergency room..
MY roomie made me a chinese name- it's supposed to mean 'the girl of a thousand sins.'
She was mad I came so fast. I was like, It's the Olympics! Fastest time wins! We can train you in the offseason.
Oh fuck. There is like a human shit on the sidewalk. I hate this place.
My mom just asked me if I can obtain a fake ID by thursday
IM WEARING A FLAG
So that's a no to the clothes then
FLAG
Just got a snapchat from him that was a video of with the caption "my new apartment" in Brazil. I think we might not be seeing eachother anymore.
Drunk me has cost me a lot in cell phones...
It looks like I jerked off a rainbow.
What's the polite way to say "hey I don't actually want to fuck you, I just swiped right on you because you didn't like me in high school and I needed validation"
I made an executive decision to rename my Resume file to something other than MONEYMONEYMONEY.
Bring vodka when you get back from court.
PSA Do not blow dry your junk.
Randomize
