So the hot 23 year old i went home with last night is really 17 and was here for orientation.. i feel like a pedifile...
In that case, you should probably come up to the union, orientation is in full swing, your kind of guys ;)
cunt.
how am i supposed to spank it to a shakira video when she looks like she is doing the robot?
maybe i'll see you again later :)
I'd rather shit a knife.
You weren't a difficult drunk to take care of. I just had to stop you from plunging the toilet once or twice.
I'm here to help build your repertoire of drunken shenanigans and I should have been arrested stories
dude I just got a noise complaint from my apartment people for loud sexual activities. I'm framing this for sure
Just for the record its a bit awkward when you introduced me to your friends at your house as your brother and then insisted in front of them that I sleep in your bed with you
never underestimate the power of walking into a bar alone in uv cat makeup.. took home a seven foot man
My boobs love her too. She makes them feel important even though they're small
Now when you said you'd never sleep with me, did you really mean never on a Monday or never without handcuffs or a blindfold or never on a airplane or never without lots of booze? Cus never is a pretty strong word.
My actions are not mine. They are the actions of Patron.
Oh I'm sorry does your girlfriend send you better pictures of things in her ass? No? Didn't think so. Remember that the next time you wanna complain how I don't make the first move enough.
I'm more heavily invested in that tequila than you are
Just saw the cop you hooked up with over break. He’s def hotter in uniform.
Tell him to stop shaving his pubes. #Notmyjam
what happened last night?!
you took a shot and then laid down on our kitchen table and passed out.. then when we tried to move you to the couch you screamed "no! i love tables"
Randomize
