5 years of college and never once did they teach us how to respond when you overhear a group of 7th grade boys who are in your class talking about how you're definitely DTF
children are so perceptive these days... and horny
it was better than the time i puked and I forgot to open the lid of the toilet
i awoke yet another morning with penis breath. ive been so generous santa has to bring me a shit ton of presents
he even offered to make my bed in the morning.
I definitely recall eating shredded cheese out of the bag while you were wearing that apron.
Being at this bar with grandma is a real cockblocker
So hungover. Sitting in class about to puke during this ladys flute performance. Not sure why were having a flute concert in biology
She is ok w me having sex for money. Just gotta find rich grandmas.
i got her number while she was sitting next to her boyfriend. her actual number. i might be a superhero
Girl just walked into the bar with a T-shirt that says "I'm not Irish, kiss me anyways." Target aquired.
It's titled "A countdown to death. A psychological look at the downward spiral of actress Lindsay Lohan and her inevitable Hollywood demise" This dissertation is genius. Not a single sober moment for either Lindsay or myself. Good stuff!
The guy had great intentions when throwing us free beer off the balcony... but of course I was the one to get hit in the face because that's the kind of luck I have
I sent him a tit pic on accident and he replied with "nice ass"
I need to wear something that says I would have sex with you but I'm not going to
Strip Simon Says: DO IT
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