I can hear the grilled cheese talking to me. "Let me in there!" they wanna get inside me
My family just had an in depth argument about the meaning of chodes
It's like having an annoying little brother who wants to have sex with you
Gym doesn't open till 11. I'm sure that of the other four people waiting in the lobby, I'm the only one still drunk and only going to the gym to shower.
We need to start having sex underwater more often.
I knew he was a nice guy, because when we switched positions he flipped the mattress so I wouldn't have to lay in a pool of his sweat.
Ur dog was like a damn middle school chaperone this morning trying to lay between us after what he saw us do last night
Seriously you have a sixth sense. You woke up out of a nap to tell us all to check the clock and it was 4:18. You're like the spiderman of smoking weed.
Something bad happened. I'm just giving you some notice. So you can smoke some pot and hide all sharp items in the house.
I shaved last nite, you should see my cock it looks like a beautiful skyscraper
He asked me if my princess crown was real and before I could say yes, he was already reaching to put it on. I'm pretending I'm asleep if he tries to have sex.
Guess who's now on the no-fly list? If you guessed me, you'd be right.
He started humming a moment like this when I was taking off his pants.
You kept running around yelling "I need my pajamas" & then you got naked. Shit just went downhill from there.
he'll eat me out, but god forbid we double dip when sharing salsa
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