I did the walk of shame to church this morning.
hooker boots and all?
Yep. People looked at me like I was the prodigal daughter returning home. Full of sins but welcome anyway.
I found those 18 whoppers we bought.
You drunk dialed me and told me to jump out of my second story window so I could give you head. I almost considered it.
No, I left myself a half eaten cucumber and a beer next to my head, pointed at it and said 'you're breakfast' and then passed out.
He told me since I'm into organics I should know his meat is known locally for its quality and hes hand raised it since age 13.
The whole movie was ruined when some chick started laughing with what you could tell was QUITE the mouthful. This of course made the guy laugh harder.
I'm at his house right now making him pancakes to compensate for YOU not giving him a handjob last night. You're welcome.
i've eaten like 19 popsicles... what the fuck have you done today?
You will go out on a boat of flames filled with honor, sarcasm, and assholery, let me assure you.
so I'm staring at this cat and wondering..is the tail of the cat the derivative of it's head?
stop getting stoned after studying for a calc final.
my spring break was before theirs and i literally fed him vodka all week, only stopping for class and bowls. like handles. i cant even think anymore, that chastity belt was hard to get off,
He gave me twenty cool ranch tacos and declared, drunk, " Look, I do good"
It got quiet and we all stood around and opened the box and I've never seen so many burritos in my life man. it was fucking biblical.
Is there a lightning bolt coming out of your boner right now?!
Oh the sweet dreamless sleep of drugs
You? On what? Why?
Randomize
