i may or may not be hanging out with a boxer who has a daughter tonight. and he just spelled "honestly" like "onistly". He has prob taken a few too many hits to the head but he's hot at least.
I just told my boyfriend I think I might be pregnant using Emoji icons....
which icon did you use to tell him he's not the father?
he asked my vagina if she was excited to meet Leonard. LEONARD. His fuckin penis is named Leonard.
Going to the market. I need some nachos and a serious re-evalution of my life.
I woke up this morning covered in blood and peanut butter. I am now safe from vampires with nut allergies.
Makes Sense, i generally dont want the same person two days in a row. Its like what i pick for supper, i like variety
spring break - time to see if my two week detoxing gave my liver a chance to recover.
you strike me as the kind of person who when they spill something on their lap they take off their pants and eat it anyways. right off the crotch seam.
It would be awesome if I knew whose teeth these were in my pocket
I figured if he was OK cheating on his gf with a guy, he'd be OK with me posting his number to m4m Craigslist Ads
I'm that daughter that had to send her mother "DON'T GET SHITFACED" & yes, in ALL CAPS.
Autocorrect changes "sex" to "sec". I have been so long without it my phone thinks I made a mistake.
I accidentally just texted my dad asking if he wants to do shrooms with me. Do I leave the city now or...
Thanks for supporting me through Robs retirement. I'm still in shock, but your dick helped.
Vegas never ceases to amaze me. Hung out with a stripper from ATL all night and got nuthin, but the next night meet a bride-to-be who gives me a bj in the elevator.
Randomize
