He dyes his hair, fake tans and lies constantly. What did you really expect from him?
A better fuck for starters.
dude she wont stop talking about little people big world...she said my penis looked like zach roloff and took a picture with her phone?
i feel like pizza bites are my only friend right now
I'm wearing your poncho, and only your poncho. I'm not getting pulled over like this.
You were definitely doing something right. You could only see the colored parts of his eyes a couple of times. I was pretty sure he was dead at some point.
I am dressed. And we didn't do anything. He's gorgeous and tall tho. Something nice to look at when I'm hungover
I wanna give a stern lecture to whoever invented pants cause they are hard right now
When you wake up so hungover that you don't even wanna cough for fear of vomiting... It's not gunna be a good day.
Done deal I'm dying it right at this moment. I'll need a red Speedo and a half shirt that is extremely tight. Like nipple tight.
Two drag queens are fighting over me. And yet the night is still getting weirder
Couldn't find my swimsuit top anywhere this morning but finally found it in the skimmer of the pool so thats how my night apparently went
Any idea why the fuck i would replace all the music on my ipod with the fucking Goosebumps theme song?!?
Apparently drunk you is really nostalgic?
well i don't NEED my liver but it's nice to have one when you're trying to have a good time
Question for you. Do you want to go out somewhere or do you want to have sloppy joes at my house? That's not a euphemism for anything; I actually have stuff to make sloppy joes
But I only have 2 emotions angry and horny
Randomize
