my grandmother thought she vaccuumed up a quarter so she made me open the bag, dump it out on her front lawn, and dig through it. no quarter.
There's some strange man with hair that keeps talking to us. I'm scared.
This is how horror movies start. Going to bar with strange hair guy. He's paying. Bad idea?
Ditched hair man. Got free cab ride to market. Want food. I win.
he actually used the line "do you have a map, because i'm lost in your eyes" and i was to drunk to care
I think i just got paid for sex with a hot pocket... and i accepted
When you're on the hood of a car, 10 mph feels pretty fucking fast.
the taxi driver actually pulled over to let us moon a house full of people
I made a tournament bracket for the girls that Im talking with.
He's not so smart and obsessed with sex and lacks listening comprehension skills. I feel like i'm dating a sexually competent sesame street character.
Our house almost burnt down last night. I woke up at 4:10am to the smoke alarm going off bc the bean bag chair was on fire so i extinguished it and smoked a bowl at 4:20 to celebrate my fire extinguishing abilities
Druken naked yoga : jus another ploy to keep your husbands eye in check
is it acceptable to cross the border for sex?
We had a moment of silence for all of the orgasms he gave me with his beard before he shaved it off.
He told us a story about a time his 80 year old uncle karate chopped a dick in a glory hole.
I'm sorry but it's something you and your A cups wouldn't understand.
There's a Russian superstition that you'll spend your year the way you celebrate New Year's, so I'm honestly not that surprised you're drunk.
Randomize