I just farted so loud that my cat got so scared he fell off the couch.
i would never do something against you youre the best i ever had
please tell me you did not just intentionally quote drake..
I'm on the strip, it's like a mini new years eve. Some girl just got taken away on a stretcher with her meter margarita in her hand claiming it's trophy for being awesome. Damn tourists are lightweights.
I either just got cockblocked or saved from a lengthy court case so I'm kinda conflicted about how my night went.
I vomitted in the hotel where they film gossip girl last night. Everywhere.
I don't know how it happened, one minute we were talking about Huck Finn, the next minute I was blowing him behind the corner of his apartment building.
Um I just overheard that the new guy spent a month in jail. Obvi another great hire.
He just yelled in the bar, "So I stuck it in two girls butts, why are you bringing that up now?"
I've started bribing my dorm's security guard with cookies so that he doesn't tell all the boys i'm hooking up with about each other.
Chelsea passed out in the kiddie pool. Just added around 28 boxes of jello powder. Will let you know how it works out
There's a guy in a life size dick costume, and two guys with white shirts that are each half if a pair of breasts in a red bra lol. They came separate but when they saw each other there was some titty fucking in the street, it's only 11
I'm permanently fucked. Every liquid I put into my mouth automatically tastes like fireball.
BTW, does Anne know that we used the lipstick she is currently wearing to was used to write the word "ASS" on my ass cheeks last night?
Basically one minute I'm sucking on her nipples and then 45 mins later we're at work and she's my boss.
I had more orgasms than hours of sleep this weekend. I’m going to keep him around a while
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